Category Archives: travel

Igniting the Spark

Far be it from me to ever criticize someone for doing what they love. Okay, that is a lie. I do it all the time. for as much DBT as I go through I am still as judgey as they come and I will be the first to admit that. But I have realized in the past week how freeing it is to really fall in love with something you do and being someone that you are. The last weekend I have never felt so free in my life. Well, that is a lie too, I felt that way once before. When I went to a place of ultimate magic, when I went to New Orleans. It’s funny how the trip of a lifetime and a jaunt to a convention in Rhode Island could make me feel the exact same way but I assume it is a place and time thing. I was exactly where I needed to be at exactly the right time I needed to be there and that is what mattered.

I booked my tickets to Rhode Island Comic Con just a week out from y sleeve surgery, hoping that I would be tiny enough to fit into some fantastical cosplay creation that only my mind could dream up. I ended up going with jeans and a tee shirt. but jeans that were 5 sizes smaller than the ones I had started off in. Small victories right? I just needed the break. I needed to get away and finally do something that was just for me. It had nothing to do with the kids or being in PA. It just had to do with the fact that I hadn’t celebrated who I was in a really long time. Fuck if I know who I am half the time.

The weekend started off with me visiting a friend that I haven’t seen in 17 years. It ended with me in tears over a girl I had just met 24 hours before hand. I had bonded so close to another human being in 24 hours that it physically hurt to leave her side. Laugh if you will but I haven’t felt or allowed to feel myself that strength of emotion in a really long time. In between that, there was laughter and happiness. Smiles and giddiness. A sense of overwhelming freedom and magic. Everywhere I turned there was a lightness to my soul and a sense of wonderment in my heart. For the first time in a long time, I did not feel the burden of despair that weighs me down. For the first time in a long time, I felt as if I could do anything. Like the world really was at my fingertips. One weekend just to be me. To discover me. To reignite what was in my soul.

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In a mere three days, I realized a lot of things about myself. I realized that I have a big personality that I can;t keep bottled up no matter who wants me too. I realized that I deserve so much of what life has to offer no matter who doesn’t think so. I realized that my beauty is not only kept inside where I think it is but it does radiate on the outside even when I am not so sure of myself. I realized that I don’t want to be pent up anymore, I want to be let out into the world. I realized I want my children to have the world full of experiences and meet people that are not all like them because it is then that they will learn the meaning of love. I realized that I deserve to live my life the way I want to live my life and not by anyone else’s rules

I realized I was finally ready to start defying gravity instead of letting everyone hold me down anymore.

I came home and all the weight started pushing me down again. It’s really hard to push back, it’s really heavy and it’s a lot to deal with. But for the first time….I am NOT afraid to push back. My spark has been reignited. I am going to defy gravity damn it…

Oh and the list of stars that I rubbed elbows with because people keep asking

DJ Qualls
Thomas Nicholas
Christian Slater
Jefferey Dean Morgan
Alice Cooper
Stefan Kapicic
Falk Hentschel
Casper crump
 Brett dalton
 Arthur Darville
 Jason David frank
 Brianna Hildebrand
 Jim Parrack
Sean Pertwee
 Brent Spiner
 Mena Suvari
 Travis Aaron wade
 William Zabka
 Ian Ziering
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You Can’t Make This S#%! Up

A hilarious and real story that could only happen to one of my dearest friend. So without further ado and in her own words…I give you, Arboria- 

I was in Atlanta this week for work.  I stayed at my usual hotel near the office.  Generally I don’t see very many people around,  but it was pretty hoping with a group of gentlemen that liked to hang out in the bed of their pickup trucks or out in front of the hotel this week.  Seemed wierd, but whatever.  On Monday I arrived and for ease of travel (and Pokémon hunting) I was wearing capre yoga pants and a tight-ish tank top that showed off my figure.  I was walking around the hotel parking lot looking for Pokémon that evening and I noticed one of the guys sitting on the curb in the parking lot starring at his phone. I did a walk by to see if he was playing Pokemon.  He wasn’t so I kept waking.   NBD, but when I was back upstairs later that night walking the hall (ok, hunting more Pokémon) he showed up and sparked up a conversation.  He told me he was watching welding videos and we had a quick exchange before he went into his room (right across the hall from me).  

I thought that was the ends of it,  but when I got back to the hotel the next night he was there and we chatted a little more.  I was getting a weird vibe so I cut the small talk sort and headed into my room.  

Next night, I get back to the hotel and he’s out front in a group of his buddies chatting with them.  I gave him a smile and said hi and went to the elevators. He must have jogged to catch up with me and when we got in the elevator he said.  “Are you single, I was gonna ask if you wanted to get a drink?”  Ah,  wierd vibe ID’d; he was just really bad at flirting.   I told him I was married but I’d chat with him later if he wanted to hang out.  Asked if he wanted to hang out in the hotel lobby the next night (safe place with staff on duty at all times just in case! Also meant I knew where to go for help if things got weird).  He said he had plans for that night and he was flying home the following day,  as was I.  Anyway,  I went back to my room, he went to his, but about an hour later I get a knock on my door.  It was him asking what I was up to, and if I wanted to go downstairs then.   I must have looked flustered or out of it.  I said I was working on something,  but I’d finish up.  He changed his mind and said let’s do it tomorrow (he must have changed his plans,  yikes,  getting creepy!)  We both go back to our rooms.  I’m wondering if his posse from downstairs was egging him on eventhough I told  him I was married.  
Next day I decided this was all too weird for me so I stayed at the office until after he’s usually no longer around the hotel.  Got back about 10p.  I stopped at the front desk and told the guy there that the gentleman across the hall had asked me out the previous day and I was a little weirded out since he knew what room I was in.  I asked him to send someone up in a few minutes of I didn’t call down.  Thankfully no encounter, guy across the hall was asleep as I guessed (i could hear him snoring!)  I called down and gave the all clear,  but I was feeling kinda bad for the guy because he really could have been just a nice guy and I didn’t want to make him feel bad about getting “stood up” so I left a little note in his door that said the boss took us all out for dinner and I didn’t get back until late,  and that I hoped I hadn’t ruined his plans for the evening.   I figured, we’ll that’s the end of it, I never see him in the morning, so I’d be safe and hopefully I hadn’t hurt his feelings. He really did seem like a nice guy.  He never even told me his name and I didn’t tell him mine.

I got up, had breakfast at the hotel and left and didn’t see him again.  Did all my normal leaving Atlanta stuff,  returned the car,  took the train to the terminal, hunted some Pokémon (i have a problem!), grabbed a sandwich for on the plane, went to my gate, got ready to board the plane,  turned to ask the random stranger next to me what group they had just called because I wasnt paying attention, and…………………….. ladies! It was the guy from the hotel!  I shit you not,  the freakin guy staying across from me in the hotel, the one that asked me out.   In all of the thousands of people in the Atlanta airport,  I asked THAT guy what group was called for my flight,  the flight he was boarding…..my brain:  holy shit, is he a stalker, how the fuck did he find out what plane I was on.  I never gave him my name,  did he have cameras in my room, did he hack my phone or my computer,  is he buddy, buddy with hotel staff since he’s staying there for an extended period of time, did they give him my name.  OMG, who do I call,  WTF am I going to do (logical brain me slaps paranoid brain me across the face and takes control of the situation) see that look on his face, he didn’t recognize you at first,  really, truly,  didn’t have any idea who you were.  Shut up paranoid brain, you’re an idiot!…so I talk to him for a little while because it would be obviously very rude not to and there are tons of people around, and truthfully he’s probably just a really nice guy and I’m being a paranoid idiot.  He said he got my note and said he was going to ask if I wanted to go for a walk cause he knew I was playing that game (Pokémon) , I had it on so I showed him a few things,  but he didn’t seem interested at all,  so I stopped…(seriously if he is really that sweet and thoughtful I hope he finds a great girl). We chatted about our seating assignment…I’m in row 13….he’s in row 12!   (Dear universe, what the hell are you trying to tell me,  I’m not getting it!)  We sit and have a bit more small talk.  He’s going to Philly,  but he has a long layover,  he’s from Westfield,  PA,  someones going to pick him up.  I tell him I’m going to my parents to get my daughter,  give him a town close by (not the actual town, because paranoid brain still gets some say in this interaction and he’s probably the first person I didn’t try to show pictures of Kitten to…don’t want him to know what my kid looks like if he’s a stalker!)  Funny thing about the town I picked,  that’s where the company he works for is headquartered  (Really universe, REALLY! Am I supposed to run away with this random stranger or something?)  

The lady in row 12 sits down and he starts talking to her.  While he’s distracted I snap a quick picture and sent it to a friend who knows what’s going on in case he tries to grab me from the airport or something (paranoid brain never shuts up!)  I start eating my lunch, he turns around to ask how I’m doing, sees I’m  eating and goes back to talking to row 12 lady.  Once we’re at cruising altitude I grab my laptop to do some work I’ve been neglecting all trip in favor of Pokémon hunting.  I see him look back a few times,  but I really do need to work,  so I pretend not to notice.  

The plane lands, he says have a nice trip and he’s gone….I still don’t know his name! 
So that was my week,  how was yours?!