Category Archives: Smile

Day 3 – Love Your Life in 30 Days

I can’t believe how quickly the days are going by. Winter break is over and tomorrow the kids are going back to school. I spent the day unplugged with them and we had a great time just spending time together, building things, cuddling and ending the day with a movie. I stepped on the scale for the first time since my 3 months check up with the doctor a week ago and I lost 3 pounds over the crazy holidays. 3 POUNDS! I wasn;t expecting to lose anything when I wasn’t being as strict with myself but the universe works in very mysterious ways I suppose *laughs*

I also signed back onto the Love your life in 30 days facebook page and found that my post yesterday has over 700 likes and so many comments I lost count. I was blown away with how many people I touched with my choice of themes for this year of change. I was taken aback by the outpouring of love, inspiration, and kindness from so many people around the globe. Everyone has been so supportive and sweet and it filled my heart with so much love. It really goes to show how many souls around the world there are that are ready for the world to change. How much kindness can do? How much love and hope there really is to make the world go around. This year is going to make a difference in so many people’s lives. I have talked to a handful of them and just to connect with other people who are taking this year as it comes, giving life their all and making the best with what they have and what the universe gives them is AMAZING.

Let’s dive into day 3 shall we

DAY 3: Get into the Details and Create a Sense of Excitement
Est. time: 9 minutes

On Day 1 you wrote down 5 general areas of your life where you want to create change over the next year. Now, let those general goals lead you to discover the specific details that excite you—the juicy, sexy, wonderful details that make your heart pound! This will ramp up your emotional connection to the goals you have. Make a list of the details that will be drawn into your life once those goals have manifested. Consider what you’ll see, what you’ll hear, and what you’ll feel. This activity is like creating a vision board, only using words instead of pictures.

Here are some examples (feel free to go into much greater detail):

ABUNDANCE: peace of mind, free time, lots of travel
RELATIONSHIP: best friends, treasured intimacy, space and independence
HEALTH: daily exercise, healthy cooking/eating, strength, and confidence
TRAVEL: exploration, meeting new people, peace, and serenity
CREATIVITY: writing/painting, inspiring others, self-expression

Here we go:

1. Health – Daily exercise, meal planning, eating healthy, strength in mind, body and spirit, getting outside with the kids, confidence, mental clarity, focus

2. Happiness – laughter, loving the little things, looking through my kid’s eyes, skipping, playing, reading, phtography, leaving my sparkle where I go, smiling, writing

3. Abundance – free time, working hard, letting my well of creativity overflow, peace of mind, time with friends, exploring new places, finishing school

4. Creativity – letting my mind do the talking, writing my book, working on my photography, building my website, blogging, sparkling, being a kid again, self-expression, inspiring others

5. Adventure – exploring, meeting new people, putting myself out there, traveling, being a kid

#tut30days

Igniting the Spark

Far be it from me to ever criticize someone for doing what they love. Okay, that is a lie. I do it all the time. for as much DBT as I go through I am still as judgey as they come and I will be the first to admit that. But I have realized in the past week how freeing it is to really fall in love with something you do and being someone that you are. The last weekend I have never felt so free in my life. Well, that is a lie too, I felt that way once before. When I went to a place of ultimate magic, when I went to New Orleans. It’s funny how the trip of a lifetime and a jaunt to a convention in Rhode Island could make me feel the exact same way but I assume it is a place and time thing. I was exactly where I needed to be at exactly the right time I needed to be there and that is what mattered.

I booked my tickets to Rhode Island Comic Con just a week out from y sleeve surgery, hoping that I would be tiny enough to fit into some fantastical cosplay creation that only my mind could dream up. I ended up going with jeans and a tee shirt. but jeans that were 5 sizes smaller than the ones I had started off in. Small victories right? I just needed the break. I needed to get away and finally do something that was just for me. It had nothing to do with the kids or being in PA. It just had to do with the fact that I hadn’t celebrated who I was in a really long time. Fuck if I know who I am half the time.

The weekend started off with me visiting a friend that I haven’t seen in 17 years. It ended with me in tears over a girl I had just met 24 hours before hand. I had bonded so close to another human being in 24 hours that it physically hurt to leave her side. Laugh if you will but I haven’t felt or allowed to feel myself that strength of emotion in a really long time. In between that, there was laughter and happiness. Smiles and giddiness. A sense of overwhelming freedom and magic. Everywhere I turned there was a lightness to my soul and a sense of wonderment in my heart. For the first time in a long time, I did not feel the burden of despair that weighs me down. For the first time in a long time, I felt as if I could do anything. Like the world really was at my fingertips. One weekend just to be me. To discover me. To reignite what was in my soul.

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In a mere three days, I realized a lot of things about myself. I realized that I have a big personality that I can;t keep bottled up no matter who wants me too. I realized that I deserve so much of what life has to offer no matter who doesn’t think so. I realized that my beauty is not only kept inside where I think it is but it does radiate on the outside even when I am not so sure of myself. I realized that I don’t want to be pent up anymore, I want to be let out into the world. I realized I want my children to have the world full of experiences and meet people that are not all like them because it is then that they will learn the meaning of love. I realized that I deserve to live my life the way I want to live my life and not by anyone else’s rules

I realized I was finally ready to start defying gravity instead of letting everyone hold me down anymore.

I came home and all the weight started pushing me down again. It’s really hard to push back, it’s really heavy and it’s a lot to deal with. But for the first time….I am NOT afraid to push back. My spark has been reignited. I am going to defy gravity damn it…

Oh and the list of stars that I rubbed elbows with because people keep asking

DJ Qualls
Thomas Nicholas
Christian Slater
Jefferey Dean Morgan
Alice Cooper
Stefan Kapicic
Falk Hentschel
Casper crump
 Brett dalton
 Arthur Darville
 Jason David frank
 Brianna Hildebrand
 Jim Parrack
Sean Pertwee
 Brent Spiner
 Mena Suvari
 Travis Aaron wade
 William Zabka
 Ian Ziering
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SURGERY SCHEDULED!!!

*cross posted*

​Insurance approval!!! Surgery SCHEDULED!!!! 

Good morning! So here’s the scoop-

18 days till surgery (yes I will be counting, it could become very annoying. Sorrynotsorry ahead of time)

7 days left to eat all the food! What I mean by that is, I have 7 days before I go on a very strict liquid only pre-op diet. After surgery, not only will I not be able to eat regularly for a while but my body won’t be able to handle certain foods. So in the next 7 days there are certain things I want to enjoy for maybe the last time. I’m not going crazy bingey, but there are some things i want. EVERYONE who can and wants to is welcome to help me on this endeavor. 
People keep asking me how I’m feeling, the answer is…I’m feeling all the emotions at once. I’m excited and scared and anxious and happy and all these things keep going through my head. I am lucky to have ya’ll in my life supporting me as I take this journey. Thank you so much ❤
(longer post to come, I’m still too giddy to type)

I’m not like you but I LOVE me

c41819a16fa36c0755343a11910be47eI’m not like you, I never claimed to be. But you have no right to sit there and make assumptions about who I am because I don’t fit into the cookie cutter mold you have decided that life should be. I am rough around the edges. I say exactly what I mean. I can come off as abrasive and even a little mean, but at least I am always honest. My clothes are not name brand but I always look good wearing them. My face seems betrays my age, so I may look younger than you ever imagined and maybe even more than you feel. I had my kids at an early age, we are close and the tell me everything. I have my own personal sense of style, nothing you say or do is going to take that away from me. I have always marched to the beat of my own drum, the ink on my skin and the color in my hair does not make me less mature than you. I laugh when I find things funny, I don’t laugh when things you find amusing hurt other people. I do not tolerate ignorance, hatred of bullying and I will raise my voice up against them. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I have fought for everything that I have and I have done a fucking good job of making a life for myself. I curse like a sailor when it’s appropriate but I know when to keep my mouth shut. I will fight to the bitter end for something I believe in but no I won’t reprimand my child if they haven’t done something wrong in my eyes. I teach tolerance not hate. I teach acceptance not bigotry. I teach love not war. I don’t believe that there is a difference between you and me just because we come from different walks of life, I teach my children that all people are the same and I will not have you sully their innocence because you have a problem with me. My children as smart and funny, well fed and clean, well mannered and innocent…Just because you do not appreciate who I am as a human, neighbor, mother or any of the labels you have affixed me with you will NOT treat my child like a pariah. Mark my words darlin, karma is a bitch and I won’t be around when it comes back to bite you in your less that well-mannered ass. I am not like you and I will never be. And that is quite alright because I am perfectly happy LOVING me. 

 

Unrealistic Expectations 

The movie Practical Magic holds a special place in my heart. The weird, kooky, romantic yet family oriented plot reached me on so many levels. So far this year has not been peaches and cream so I found myself turning to this movie to help me smile or even just cry it out. I find myself drawn to on part in particular —

Young Sally Owens: He will hear my call a mile away. He will whistle my favorite song. He can ride a pony backwards.

Young Gillian Owens: What are you doing?

Young Sally Owens: Summoning up a true love spell called Amas Veritas. He can flip pancakes in the air. He’ll be marvelously kind. And his favorite shape will be a star. And he’ll have one green eye and one blue.

Young Gillian Owens: Thought you never wanted to fall in love.

Young Sally Owens: That’s the point. The guy I dreamed of doesn’t exist. And if he doesn’t exist, I’ll never die of a broken heart.

Everyday I think about how proud I am of how far I’ve come. As an independent woman, as a free thinker and as a strong mother. I know that I am a whole person worthy of many great things. There is a part of me that wonders if I will ever be ready to let someone else in. If there will ever be someone that can love to real, whole me. 

So in preparation for this moment in the future I came up with a list of standards that my next partner in crime needs to meet. It’s been decided that they need at least a 65% pass rate to move onto the next round. It is totally unrealistic and very Practical Magic of me. I don’t actually expect any of it to come true but some of the requirements would be swoonworthy. It is as follows – 

1. Can sing (or gives it their best shot)

2. Can dance (or at least be willing to make a fool out of themselves trying)

3. Must be a geek  (or love em)

4. Must be intelligent

5. Must be funny

6. Must be charming

7. Must enjoy ALL kinds of movies

8. Must have nice arms

9. Must have a good bad guy smirk

10. Must have a job

11. Said job must be secure

12. Must get along with his family

13. Must get along with my family

14. Must want A family

15. Must be able to hold a conversation

16. Must be able to debate

17. Must be able to communicate

18. Must love dogs

19. Must be honest

20. Must be loyal

21. Must love Disney

22. Must be romantic

23. Must be well read

24. Must be willing to read

25. Must be quirky

26. Must speak at least 2 languag

27. Must be unfuckingbelievable

28. Must have great hair

29. Must appreciate ALL music

30. Must have expressive eyebrows

31. Must look like or at the least resemble in anyway the following actors

Tom Hiddleston, Jeremy Renner, Mark Ruffalo, Skylar Astin, Ben Platt, John Cusack, Josh Peck, Steve Brundage, Iwan Rheon, Billy Boyd, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Misha Collins, Mark Sheppard, Justin Long, Jay Baruchel, Bill Hader, Richard Gene or Patrick Swayze

Eliza Dushku is so hot

I had a long winded rant that I was going to go into, about life and why this week was going to be really stressful but I happen to be sitting in front of the TV and while the TV is generally not a distraction…Eliza Dushku sauntering on, during try-outs for Bring it On is just fucking distracting. Now I knew for a long time that I had weird feelings when it came to girls, that I wasn’t sure why I got that tingle in my belly when I had sleepovers just like when I played football with the boys but I never really thought of when I had a sexual awakening. Thinking about it now, I am not really sure I can pinpoint it, it had to have come sometime in high school, I mean that was when the experimentation (meaning kissing girls for fun and sport) really started. But Eliza Dushku…

I remember the first time I saw Faith on Buffy, there was something about the feisty, sparkly, sassy extra slayer that just got my juices flowing. Now, looking back on it I can totally tell you that I was highly attracted to her but then I think it was a mixture of that and wanting to be her. Which kind of ties into what I was thinking about before. What I have been thinking about for the past few days. What I want to be when I grow up. Now I am not still fantasizing about being Eliza Dushku…meeting her, yes but not being her. When I am talking about growing up, I am obviously and adult and I do realize that….and I am not talking about my career path. I am talking about the kind of person I want to see reflected back at me.

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I have taken time out in the past few days to reflect on things that have been going on around me, I have been told to take a deep breath and write what I am feeling if I come up to a blockage to write through it and keep writing till I felt comfortable. I fought against that notion until this very moment. I have only thought about writing for the past few days and here I am. Now all I have been feeling is that the winds of change are blowing and if I don’t put my umbrella in the draft I am going to miss my chance and life is going to start passing me by. I have been thinking about my plans for the future, for what life is going to be like in the next couple of months, weeks, days even. A lot of stuff is happening…So let’s catch up.

This week, the kiddos are gone on another mini vacay with their Nanny so I could get stuff done while they had fun. This week is looking towards being super stressful. Back into court with the ex, figuring out exactly what is going to happen with all kinds of custody things. Hoping it turns out fine but I feel like in some ways I am being set up. Seriously…who asks the main parent to pack specific full wardrobes for children for a ten-day vacation and returns the bags with the clothes untouched? Was it a test? T make sure they have clothes? My children are well taken care of, they are healthy, well fed, happy and well adjusted. They are going to be involved in music lessons, piano and violin, drama club, sports, gymnastics and Hebrew school this year. They have so much going on and I am not going to let ANYONE ruin that. So that is all going to be taken care of on Thursday, hopefully, it is all worked out amicably….Because I don’t want to have to go through a whole court battle, it won’t be ok for them and they are all that I care about.

After this mess is cleared up we continue to gear up for school, now it has hit me that I am really doing this on my own. Now I know I have been on my own for the past 7 months, trust me that hasn’t failed to fall on my shoulders but this is different. This feels new, like a new leaf, new responsibilities, and a whole new book. Maybe because it finally is a new year and as a Mom, the start of a new school year is the real beginning. Maybe because there are so many adventures on the horizon and I finally feel up to the task of doing it myself. Maybe because I have realized that I have the ability to do it on my own and it is actually a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. Either way, the new school year is a big deal and that is approaching rapidly.

Also my house, I am rearranging, throwing out, reorganizing and getting rid of the old. I am done with things that have bad memory and juju attached to them. I want my kids to look at things and smile. I want to curl up in my bed and have it be my sanctuary because I am a fucking princess. I don’t need a prince to tell me that.

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Then we come to my surgery, as of the 26th I will be making my last appointment with my surgeon before we schedule my gastric sleeve surgery. I am totally excited and totally terrified all at the same time. I can’t wait to continue on my journey with a new tool in my bag that will help me become a new, healthy me. I am terrified because I have actually become half convinced that I will not recognize myself anymore. I have so many thoughts in my mind about what is going to happen with the surgery that I give myself a headache. I know it it is going to amazing and wonderful and incredible. I also know it is going to be a huge lifestyle change, it is going to be a whole new me and I have to accept the fact that I will look different and I will feel different and I will get different attention. I have to be ok with that. I think it is the different kind of attention. I don’t know what it will be if it is going to happen and that is the biggest part that scares me. I think I am scared people won’t love me for who I am anymore but for what is on the outside. But I shouldn’t worry about it so much because I still know who I am and I love that person….Are you still keeping up? I think I lost myself about a paragraph ago.

So ahem….now that we have caught up on what will be going on I will leave you with this. I have finally got the courage under my wings, and a voice whispering in my ear, and a foot kicking me in the ass to really get on board with my book project. It is still in the futzing around stages right now but I can tell you it is going to be amazing. I can also tell you that I have been working on my bariatric blog and that has been going pretty fucking well too. I am going to go back to watching Eliza Dushku shaking her ass…and I am going to pick out a whole new bedroom set while doing so. Because I am starting a whole new book and this sassy slayer gets to start shaking it in style too.

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You Can’t Make This S#%! Up

A hilarious and real story that could only happen to one of my dearest friend. So without further ado and in her own words…I give you, Arboria- 

I was in Atlanta this week for work.  I stayed at my usual hotel near the office.  Generally I don’t see very many people around,  but it was pretty hoping with a group of gentlemen that liked to hang out in the bed of their pickup trucks or out in front of the hotel this week.  Seemed wierd, but whatever.  On Monday I arrived and for ease of travel (and Pokémon hunting) I was wearing capre yoga pants and a tight-ish tank top that showed off my figure.  I was walking around the hotel parking lot looking for Pokémon that evening and I noticed one of the guys sitting on the curb in the parking lot starring at his phone. I did a walk by to see if he was playing Pokemon.  He wasn’t so I kept waking.   NBD, but when I was back upstairs later that night walking the hall (ok, hunting more Pokémon) he showed up and sparked up a conversation.  He told me he was watching welding videos and we had a quick exchange before he went into his room (right across the hall from me).  

I thought that was the ends of it,  but when I got back to the hotel the next night he was there and we chatted a little more.  I was getting a weird vibe so I cut the small talk sort and headed into my room.  

Next night, I get back to the hotel and he’s out front in a group of his buddies chatting with them.  I gave him a smile and said hi and went to the elevators. He must have jogged to catch up with me and when we got in the elevator he said.  “Are you single, I was gonna ask if you wanted to get a drink?”  Ah,  wierd vibe ID’d; he was just really bad at flirting.   I told him I was married but I’d chat with him later if he wanted to hang out.  Asked if he wanted to hang out in the hotel lobby the next night (safe place with staff on duty at all times just in case! Also meant I knew where to go for help if things got weird).  He said he had plans for that night and he was flying home the following day,  as was I.  Anyway,  I went back to my room, he went to his, but about an hour later I get a knock on my door.  It was him asking what I was up to, and if I wanted to go downstairs then.   I must have looked flustered or out of it.  I said I was working on something,  but I’d finish up.  He changed his mind and said let’s do it tomorrow (he must have changed his plans,  yikes,  getting creepy!)  We both go back to our rooms.  I’m wondering if his posse from downstairs was egging him on eventhough I told  him I was married.  
Next day I decided this was all too weird for me so I stayed at the office until after he’s usually no longer around the hotel.  Got back about 10p.  I stopped at the front desk and told the guy there that the gentleman across the hall had asked me out the previous day and I was a little weirded out since he knew what room I was in.  I asked him to send someone up in a few minutes of I didn’t call down.  Thankfully no encounter, guy across the hall was asleep as I guessed (i could hear him snoring!)  I called down and gave the all clear,  but I was feeling kinda bad for the guy because he really could have been just a nice guy and I didn’t want to make him feel bad about getting “stood up” so I left a little note in his door that said the boss took us all out for dinner and I didn’t get back until late,  and that I hoped I hadn’t ruined his plans for the evening.   I figured, we’ll that’s the end of it, I never see him in the morning, so I’d be safe and hopefully I hadn’t hurt his feelings. He really did seem like a nice guy.  He never even told me his name and I didn’t tell him mine.

I got up, had breakfast at the hotel and left and didn’t see him again.  Did all my normal leaving Atlanta stuff,  returned the car,  took the train to the terminal, hunted some Pokémon (i have a problem!), grabbed a sandwich for on the plane, went to my gate, got ready to board the plane,  turned to ask the random stranger next to me what group they had just called because I wasnt paying attention, and…………………….. ladies! It was the guy from the hotel!  I shit you not,  the freakin guy staying across from me in the hotel, the one that asked me out.   In all of the thousands of people in the Atlanta airport,  I asked THAT guy what group was called for my flight,  the flight he was boarding…..my brain:  holy shit, is he a stalker, how the fuck did he find out what plane I was on.  I never gave him my name,  did he have cameras in my room, did he hack my phone or my computer,  is he buddy, buddy with hotel staff since he’s staying there for an extended period of time, did they give him my name.  OMG, who do I call,  WTF am I going to do (logical brain me slaps paranoid brain me across the face and takes control of the situation) see that look on his face, he didn’t recognize you at first,  really, truly,  didn’t have any idea who you were.  Shut up paranoid brain, you’re an idiot!…so I talk to him for a little while because it would be obviously very rude not to and there are tons of people around, and truthfully he’s probably just a really nice guy and I’m being a paranoid idiot.  He said he got my note and said he was going to ask if I wanted to go for a walk cause he knew I was playing that game (Pokémon) , I had it on so I showed him a few things,  but he didn’t seem interested at all,  so I stopped…(seriously if he is really that sweet and thoughtful I hope he finds a great girl). We chatted about our seating assignment…I’m in row 13….he’s in row 12!   (Dear universe, what the hell are you trying to tell me,  I’m not getting it!)  We sit and have a bit more small talk.  He’s going to Philly,  but he has a long layover,  he’s from Westfield,  PA,  someones going to pick him up.  I tell him I’m going to my parents to get my daughter,  give him a town close by (not the actual town, because paranoid brain still gets some say in this interaction and he’s probably the first person I didn’t try to show pictures of Kitten to…don’t want him to know what my kid looks like if he’s a stalker!)  Funny thing about the town I picked,  that’s where the company he works for is headquartered  (Really universe, REALLY! Am I supposed to run away with this random stranger or something?)  

The lady in row 12 sits down and he starts talking to her.  While he’s distracted I snap a quick picture and sent it to a friend who knows what’s going on in case he tries to grab me from the airport or something (paranoid brain never shuts up!)  I start eating my lunch, he turns around to ask how I’m doing, sees I’m  eating and goes back to talking to row 12 lady.  Once we’re at cruising altitude I grab my laptop to do some work I’ve been neglecting all trip in favor of Pokémon hunting.  I see him look back a few times,  but I really do need to work,  so I pretend not to notice.  

The plane lands, he says have a nice trip and he’s gone….I still don’t know his name! 
So that was my week,  how was yours?!

Firework revalations

I cried today. I didn’t mean to, the tears weren’t planned, weren’t really expected at all but they happened…and after it was all said and done I felt this overwhelming sense of relief. 

It was 10pm at the California Grill, on the balcony of the Contemporary resort in Orlando. I was standing there with my best friend just two days away from her wedding. We were watching the fireworks light up the sky over the Magic Kingdom. Jiminey Cricket was talking about wishes and the music flourished as the story unfolding. My cheeks were wet almost immediately.

For the first time in I don’t  know how long I didn’t flinch at the sound of the fireworks, I was just immersed in the beauty. I felt the tears well up and flow. My emotions growing as he talked about wishes and dreams and hopes. I felt the dam inside me bteak. Everything that had been lent up for months came flowing down my cheeks like rivers. Thank heavens for makeup setting spray. 

I clung to my sangria glass like a life boat as I watched the sky light up, I felt her hand on my back. In that m ok mentioned I was of one mind. I knew that it was the release I finally needed.

I am not ashamed that I cried during a magical display in one of the happiest places on earth. In fact, I hope to do it again sometime. It really felt like my soul became thousands of pounds lighter. 

Firework revalations

I cried today. I didn’t mean to, the tears weren’t planned, weren’t really expected at all but they happened…and after it was all said and done I felt this overwhelming sense of relief. 

It was 10pm at the California Grill, on the balcony of the Contemporary resort in Orlando. I was standing there with my best friend just two days away from her wedding. We were watching the fireworks light up the sky over the Magic Kingdom. Jiminey Cricket was talking about wishes and the music flourished as the story unfolding. My cheeks were wet almost immediately.

For the first time in I don’t  know how long I didn’t flinch at the sound of the fireworks, I was just immersed in the beauty. I felt the tears well up and flow. My emotions growing as he talked about wishes and dreams and hopes. I felt the dam inside me bteak. Everything that had been lent up for months came flowing down my cheeks like rivers. Thank heavens for makeup setting spray. 

I clung to my sangria glass like a life boat as I watched the sky light up, I felt her hand on my back. In that m ok mentioned I was of one mind. I knew that it was the release I finally needed.

I am not ashamed that I cried during a magical display in one of the happiest places on earth. In fact, I hope to do it again sometime. It really felt like my soul became thousands of pounds lighter. 

Without You

Without you I’d have never learned

The jealousy of lust 

The pain of longing

The jolt of worry

Without you I’d have never learned

The tragedy of miscommunication 

The agony of abuse

The chill of psychopathy 

Without you I’d have never learned

The resentment of addiction

The shatter of a heart as it breaks so completely 

Without you I’d have never learned

The resilience of my will

The strength of my soul

The power of my faith in what’s right

Without you’d I’d have never learned

The love behind the eyes of my children

The tingling in my spirit to carry on

Without you I’d have never learned

How to mindfully take the next step toward my future

That whatever shatters can be shaped into a better tomorrow

I take with me the dark and have brought it to light. You have no more power over me. With that I release you from those ropes I tethered you to, holding you close to my soul. A safety blanket of mistakes to dwell on, to hold me back from tomorrow. I wish for you the happiness you deserve. I wish for you the butterflies I once felt. 

I know my place, my time is now. Holding onto the past will only hinder me from letting my wings take flight. And fly I shall, onto find my corner of the sky.