Category Archives: Random Acts

This is NOT a Love Story

The first of many books I stated, let me know what you think

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This is NOT a love story! And what I mean by that is that this is some mushy gushy story about love triangles, about some guy or girl shaped my world or any of that nonsense. Though if I really think about it those aspects are in there. However, this is NOT a love story. I will not let you categorize it as such, much like Disney categorized Frozen as a sisters story when it WAS a love story. This, at least I think is more of a suspense thriller, but most people would disagree…Granted most people can’t see inside my brain. Hell I can’t even see inside my brain. Ok off track here a little bit. Anyway, now that we are clear what this isn’t, let me tell you what this is.
This is MY story; yeah get your chuckles out now. I know what most of you think of me, even some hell probably some of those who I’ve chatted up in the grocery store line. I know what you’re thinking. And no, I am not a conspiracy theorist or any of that nonsense, I just know what mask I where when and how people judge me in relation t such. Hell, I’ve burned some of those masks years ago and people still remember them. They are seared so hotly into people’s brains that I will never be who I am today but always who I used to be. So, this is a story without the mask, or at least I hope I can be brilliant honest and make it through. This is the story I should have typed a thousand times in a thousand different ways and I didn’t…
I have a lot of good excuses why I didn’t, but nothing that really gets me out of it. I have 5 fucking stories on my computer, 5! And they each have at least 2 chapters…One of them even had a PROLIGUE! And they are genuine stories that I hope to finish someday, but I can’t put my heart back in the place it was when I was writing them, does that make sense? Ok so by now you know that in person I have many masks, I make a lot of excuses and totally judge books (and movies) by their cover (and tag lines…see first paragraph). Let’s add to the stack shall we? I often go off on tangents that no one can follow (be prepared), I can be very sexual and potty mouthed, and sometimes I just out and out lie…Granted I think it’s more of a retelling of the story in a more fanciful fashion but when push comes to shove, I lie. If you have to ask why at this point I would tell you because I like to. See I told you a suspense thriller would be more my story.
So here I am baring my soul, to the world. Or at least I hope to. In this story that is not about love, though there is love in it. A story full of stories, full of unheard truths and confessions. Maybe I’m repenting for some bad shit I did in a past life, but all I got from all the oogie boogies down in New Orleans where that something really bad happened in a past life but they couldn’t tell me. I think I am writing my story because it is time, or that I am running out of time. No I am not suicidal, I am literally running out of time, I was supposed to write 50,000 words by the month of December and as of right now my word count is 607. I think if I can pound out 50,000 words in two days I would be incredible proud of myself but incredibly worn out. But I made a promise to someone in New Orleans that I would finish a book by the beginning of this year and I broke that promise. I hate breaking promises. So now it’s time to promise myself I will finally finish what I have started. For once in my life have something to look back on and say hey you…look at that, not only do you make beautiful kids, bake a mean apple pies and have a gay harem that puts the world to shame…but you wrote a fucken book. Go team you.
Now that I have gotten a minor introduction out of the way I guess we should start with my childhood right? I don’t have a lot of memories as a kid, but I have flashes of them, if that makes sense. I look through photo albums and I know faces and names and not a lot of details. Every once in a while a very clear memory will pop up in there and I will blurt it out, but those memories are so sporadic, sometimes I wish they would either stay or go away completely.
©S.R.Gray 2016
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Maybe Dumbledore Isn’t Always Right – Rebecca Ethington

One of my favorite authors and closest friends posted this on Facebook a few days ago. I found it so profound, and you don’t usually find stuff like that on FB anymore. It summed up so many things, what ifs and lonliness, bullying, and just not knowing when to reach out and help someone or when to ask for help for yourself.

Never be afraid to reach out and help those in need, never be quick to judge because you never know what that woman behind that mask or the man behind the curtain are really like. Sometimes it isn’t east to click your heels together three times, sometimes their is no faerie godmothers. But there is always you, and that is good enough for me.

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“There is a scene in the final Harry Potter where Harry and Dumbledore meet at a place between life and death, and in that space they see a piece of Voldemort’s soul – this quivering, whimpering, ugly child, shoved underneath a bench.
And Harry, tries to go to it, convinced it needs help. And Dumbledore tells him not too.
I’ve always hated Dumbledore for that. Yes, Voldemort is evil, did he probably deserve what’s coming to him – yes. And I am in no way comparing myself to that quivering whimpering child, hidden away in pain.
But we have all been there.
We have all been so full of loss and heartbreak, and agonizing defeat, and sadness, and rejection. That we have all been there.
We have been that forgotten child in the corner, a deep part of us just shaking and crying and desperately hoping that someone would just come over and pull us out of the dark and hold us while we cry and comfort us until it all goes away.
I know I have.
And chances are, when you are there, you don’t know how to ask, or maybe you don’t have anyone to turn to anymore. You are alone, and you can hear people talking on a bench and your crying out for help, but they don’t come to find you.
So take this with a grain of salt. But you know those “whiny” posts everyone complains about on Facebook? Yes, some of them are just negative people. But what if some of them… just maybe… where people so lost and alone and scared and so desperate for help that they are asking for help the only way they know how. That maybe they just need that hug, or that phone call with a real voice.
I can’t believe I’m going to say this… but maybe sometimes we shouldn’t listen to Dumbledore. Because maybe sometimes they need our help, our compassion, our empathy and our love. Don’t be afraid to reach out – because people are people – but they are also human. And in this crazy world, we can’t do it all on our own.” – Rebecca Ethington

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We Have Apples

So there is this wonderful mental illness blog that I follow by Rachel Griffin called We Have Apples. A little bit ago she had put up a post asking for pictures, both uplifting and at our times of trouble to put in a music video for a project she is doing. Let me give it to yo in her own words (it pasting it from her site)

“As a lot of you know, I’m a singer/songwriter in New York City with a fabulous life…. and a mental illness! (the two can go together! And errr.. it wasn’t always that way! LOL) I am so passionate about mental health awareness, ending the stigma, and connecting with other warriors like you! I am also writing a musical about these topics.More about the mental health musical I’m writing, We Have Apples, can be found on the website. You can also hear songs there. (But the song for this video is not released, yet- You’ll be the first to hear it, though!) If you want, you can sign up for the show’s mailing list to be kept posted on the development!:)

I was just selected as a Dramatists Guild Fellow, which means this year I will be working on developing We Have Apples with Broadway professionals!

More about my career as a singer/songwriter at: Rachel Griffin Website. This info I’m giving is not because I want to brag, but I want to tell you a little about my career so you know this song and video we are going to make will be high quality and could do very well! 🙂 I’ve won two National songwriting contests, recently wrote a song for an internal Macy’s campaign, and I have a publishing deal for a few of my pop songs.”

Well I participated in this as mental health is a very important subject to me….Obviously. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will get to work it Rachel in the future. But here it is…..My debut in a music video….Pass and share it is so important!!!!

Here I go again

But not on my own…

This past week has been crazy. Moving, breaking body parts, gishwhes. Meeting new people, bonding with old ones. And I think Justin Guarini and I may be Internet buddies woohoo.

It’s been a blast but I’ve had to put things down on paper that were hard for me. I’ll do a type up when I can.

Screen of my laptop is still smashed and phone makes this hard work so authoring and editing has become stressfull. However, I’m still hete, broken but alive.

Needing a truck to finish moving. And if I had a way to keep my gorgeous cat I would.

Now for my gishwhes/moving craziness.  Enjoy!
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Xoxo
Shaye

This goes out to the Random Acts Social Media Department.

While I am far to poor to send you flowers or a singing telegram from Hugh Jackman dressed as Marilyn Monroe, I figured I could give you a very big and loving reminder of how amazing you are on my blog.

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Though it us still little and still growing, I know that is how it was in the beginning with RA. You fight for your niche in the social media world, to hit in the places where people are touched the most and you take off running.

To prepare for events, plan. Market and get people excited very words on a screen isn’t all that easy. (I know I ran blog tours for independent authors)

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But I want you to know that it is you guys that make it possible for giving all of us a chance to show the world how much we care.

How much even the littlest bit goes a long way. You as the words on the screen, the subliminal messages, the voices behind the voices are the backbones of what every non-profit is all about.

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I want you to know you are an inspiration to me, and to all those who want to work in your field. Who slave over the computer for hours, who go I just don’t know where to start.

You are OUR heroes!

Love and sparkle thoughts
Shaye
Capitan of Team Faeries Fight Back
gishwhes 2015

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What am I fighting for?

Well whilst I can’t answer this directly on here just yet as it was a question posted for gishwhes.  I will say, things have not been peachy and there are days I feel like I am fighting for my life.

Help Me Save My Family…

Welcome to my world…a slice of hell with a sprinkle heaven-

This is MY story. A friend made a go fund me because we have not to long before we have to leave. Nothing has been done legally by the landlord. We were given till Aug. 16 now there’s a hearing on the 29th of this month. Charming contributes all he can but with bad credit from our exs noone will take us. We literally have no where to go. The campaign has thus far raised us little money. And I’m scared. I may be hospitalized soon for an infection that antibiotics can’t beat. Charming may need back surgery. Our spirits have to stay up for the kids but we don’t know where to go or what to do. ANYTHING Can help. A share a donation a prayer an idea. A house a small one, two bedrooms will do. Lancaster is our home. Little man gets his services here and this is where our doctors are. Help us. Please.

HELP ME SAVE MY FAMILY

This family of three is being unfairly relocated due to their landlord ending their month to month lease on a property they have lived in for over 4 years. They have not been able to get government help. They must move by 8/16. These funds would help them afford a down payment and moving fees for a new start. Note: the family wishes to remain anonymous

-Their Story –

After moving to Lancaster Pennsylvania for a fresh start, single mom SRS moved into a 3 bedroom apartment with her 2 young children. From the start, the apartment had problems. No heat control led to the apartment being freezing cold in the winter and overwhelmingly  hot in the summer. When she complained of the freezing temperature in the winter, the landlord stated he couldn’t do anything, and advised her to buy an electric heater. She does not have control of the electrical, because the fuse box is in the basement of the rental which she doesn’t have access to. The landlord refuses to address any basic repairs to the place. Although he is supposed to paint the apartment yearly, he has neglected to do so. When he promised to take the cost of repairs she had made off the rent, he reneged and only deducted $50 instead of $200.  Because she cannot afford to move, she has stayed on in a place that is not up to code.

SRS has several chronic illness, and is on disability due to them. She states , “I was diagnosed with graves disease at 9, after a scare of thyroid cancer. They removed my thyroid at 13 and placed me on medication which I have been on since since I have no metabolic control.  At 17, after a luekimia scare, I was diagnosed with chronic immune thrombocytopenic purpura(ITP), which means my body attacks my platelets like they are a virus. A low platelet count can cause anything from bruising to bleeding internally. In May of last year, I was  rushed to the hospital with breathing issues and had to remain there a few days. During this time the children’s father took them and refused to give them back. This led to a legal battle which drained all of my funds. At that time I was also diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which is akin to fibromyalgia. Instead of causing nerve pain it causes the patient to suffer from fatigue and a depressed immune system. It also may cause migraines or blackouts, which I suffer from. After finally getting my children back and trying to get them back into a routine, I became ill again and was diagnosed with IGA deficiency. IGA deficiency is another autoimmune disease in which the mucous membranes do not function in immune response, leaving your body prone to infection. Treatments  include monthly infusions of IV IG. A huge downside of IGA deficiency is that once the treatments start you can’t stop them, and if the patient needs blood transfusions, the blood usually needs to be washed ahead of time. Things were just beginning to get stable,  when my boyfriend of almost a year began to physically and emotionaly abuse me while the children were at their father’s house. After shattering my windshield, he and his brother stole a number of my possessions in addition to money from my wallet.  Presently I am recovering from the removal of both my mirena IUD and lap band, which my body rejected because I am allergic to them. My doctor thinks I may have lupus, which would explain all my other conditions.” Although SRS is on disability, she is trying to find at home work, is actively writing, and is freelancing as an editor to earn extra money.

In addition to her medical problems, SRS’s son J has been diagnosed with a sensory disorder at 2, Aspergers at 4, and ADHD at 6. He currently has a TSS 5 hours a week at home. He attends an  after school program  3 days a week, to work in a group on social interactions. This program becomes a summer camp 5 days a week with the same staff. He also has one on one and family therapy to work on social skills, rigidity, emotional meltdowns, and expressing himself during transitions in the home and community, and sees a psychiatrist for medication management.

J and his sister K have been making top grades at school. K is starting 1st grade in the fall, and is reading at a 3rd grade level.  J starts 3rd grade in the fall, and is reading at a 7th grade level. K wants to be a veterinarian and a ballroom dancer when she grows up. J is stuck between marine biologist and monster truck driver. Both children want to start an intrustment and a sport come the new school year. Neither child realizes how impoverished the family is.

HELP ME SAVE MY FAMILY

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I’ve got Sunshine

…On a sunny day…

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Nothing new on the medical front. Not supposed to be around people. Still don’t know if I have staph. Punch biopsy lined up for Friday. Charming in the ER for stomach flu. Still in immense pain.

Nothing new on the home front. No money. Getting evicted. My go fund me doesn’t seem to be working. But for all who want to read that whole story…
losing my home

However…silver lining…
If you have ever heard of G.I.S.H.W.H.E.S.
(Which I hope you have) I have been granted a scholarship to be part of their international scavenger hunt this year. Last year was my first year doing it and being disabled, creative and not able to move around much, it gave me the opportunity to meet people from around the world, laugh, smile and give back. It made me feel like for once I was able to just be me. I won’t give you the whole history but Misha Collins from Supernatural started it and it is a great time.

So this year I started my own team. Team faeriesfightback  (as a play on a common meme that is seen when dean yells “FIGHT THE FAERIES” in an episode). I have 14 slots open. There are only 4 days left to register and I would love to share this with some of you. So go to gishwhes ultra awesome site register and look up the am faeriesfightback the join.

Shaye
Xoxo

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