Category Archives: gishwhes

How Miss Jean Louis  (and nude orca riding) changed my life 

I was in no way a nudist by nature, in fact under the circumstances I most did everything that involved me being naked in the complete dark. Except showeting, though candle light makes everything sexy but that is not a topic we will delve into right now. So when the opportunity arose for me to experience a fully nude orca experience, you could imagine my hesitation. Not only because when I found the ticket for it in the bottom of my cereal box, I wondered how the hell it got there. But also because I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

Riding orcas naked, who does that? Unable to quell my curiosity, I called the number on the bottom of the free pass and booked my ticket. As I showed up on the pier that morning, there was a chill in the air that not even my double layers were ready for. I was alone, cold and highly unnerved as a single boat pulled toward the dock, a solitary wild woman on her deck. I inherently assume boats are female and this one has the name Misha scrawled on the side in a spinach green paint.

She was wearing a silk kimono, the woman not the boat, and she greeted me with a devilish smile and open arms. I took her embrace to be something between a friendly hug and an Esopus pulling me toward my doom upon the seas. She must have felt me tremble as I stumbled aboard her vessel, not making a sound, and looked at her wide eyed.

“Salutations and all that jazz” she said as we left the dock. “You look like I am going to swallow your soul”

“W-w-well” I tripped over my words, my tongue suddenly too big for my mouth. “I’m not sure what I am doing here”

She smiled knowingly and whistled to her monkey (she had a MONKEY!) who took over steering as she led me to a very comfortable seat. She handed me a silk robe.

“This is for when you’re ready”

“Today, you’re life is going to change, much like mine did the day I she’d my clothes and was one with the orcas. Let me tell you about it”. She smiled then, scooting next to me and looping her arm around my shoulders. She held one hand toward the skies as if she was painting a picture and she began to pontificate.

“Long ago, before there was the CW, William Shatner and Comic Con…There was this thing called free time. And in this free time, we had what you called fun. And during this fun we used to produce art. Art in so many forms that the human brain could not even imagine. We used our bodies, our minds our hearts, our souls, our words. We took what was nearest to us and created. Not I wasn’t much of an artist, I was awkward as I was gangly. I didn’t fit in with the artists as much as one would like me to. But I was determined to make my mark on the planet. I always had a fascination with the water, I believed that things and strange lands lived beneath them. My mother told me that I spent so much time in the sea, I was becoming part fish. And it was true, only she didn’t not know the extent of it. I fell in love in the water, in the dark if night I’d take to the sea and a merman would swim to meet me. We would find a dark shore and build our love in sand castles until the dawn tore us from each other again. For if you did not know, the day send the merfolk to their kingdoms, the sunlight does poison their skin. Well one night we were discovered, our art was discovered as was our love. I was unaware that not only had the human world discovered us (beaches were pretty strict about their no trespass laws) but he had been followed. I stripped of my clothes and took to the seas, as my hand slid in his we swam as far as we could until I tired and the sun became to come up. I was unaware of exactly the detriment sun was to my loves skin. I remember a softly kiss and a whispered I love you. The last I ever heard of his voice. When I awoke, I was nude, a top a great orca. I knew I was safe, but I knew my love was gone. As I looked into the eyes of this creature, I saw all I had lost. But the potential he gave me to create art with all my soul. So off we took to find the rest of the curse merfolk, me astride my lost love, nude and gangly for all to sea. A routine, a few dollars earned and the greatest art love can produce. He believed in our love and in me so greatly, that I was able to eli eve I  myself and go on.”

She took my hands in hers. And smiled.

“I knew you needed help believing in yourzelf, that’s why you’re here. To throw it all to the wind and ride in art and love”

I had listened to her in utter awe. This crazy, strange, fearless redhead in front of me was off her nut but had such a point. I stood with my robe in hand and smiled back at her.

“Where can I get changed, I’m ready”