Category Archives: Freedom

A year makes such a difference

A Facebook memory threw me for a loop today. A year ago I was so proud to fit into a size 26. Now I am over 110 pounds lighter and 10 sizes smaller. It is astounding to me to look at these photos and let it all sink in. 

I have been sitting at a stall in losing for over two weeks and feeling quite diwn. I work out regularly, I’ve been keeping to a pretty steady diet and I don’t know where to shake it up. Do I add more protien, more veggies, tweak my routine? All these things need to be taken into account along with my state of mind. I am pushing myself in so many directions that I need to refocus myself on what’s vest for me. Undo stress and pressure aren’t helping me reach my goals. It’s time to stop letting self doubt and negativity creep in. 

I’ve come so far and my journey forward is going to continue to be so rewarding.

Sparkle thoughts!!!!

Day 7 – Love Your Life in 30 Days

Just trying to figure things out in my life. I’m working on it. Trying to stay as positive and sparkly as I can. Today’s activity actually helped a lot. It was about visualization as you will read below and today I really enjoyed that. I got down to the basics and really enjoyed my day, cut down on all the negative self talk and really took care of loving the little things. It was an amazing and I am looking forward to tomorrow where we spend the entire day unplugged and just spending time with each other.

Here’s to another sparkly day!!!!

The activities leading up to Day 7 have all dealt with pro-actively creating transformation. Now, it’s time to go on the defense by observing your thoughts, words, and actions. When you play detective in this way, you can quickly stem the tide of any self-made negativity that may cross your wires or contradict the initiatives you’re taking to spark change. TODAY, simply observe all that you’re thinking, saying, and physically doing. This will help you to understand some of your subliminal inner messaging. When you don’t like what you’re thinking, saying, or doing, then deliberately and lovingly craft a counter-message to immediately put to use.

Day 6 – Love Your Life in 30 Days (and where I have been the past few days)

So it has been a rough couple of days and I have fallen behind in this growing challenge. I have been totally sick and just haven’t felt like myself. A lot of things have crossed my mind and I have felt the task of contemplating them way beyond me as I have dealt with this illness. Insecurities have threatened to overwhelm my new point of view but I have battled through them. Onward and upward they say. Steadily losing weight, steadily gaining ground on a new perspective. Now if only I could get out and back to living in the real world instead of bundled up on the couch, maybe I would feel better.

There are so many things I want to do. So many goals I want to achieve but I feel so stifled. Whether it be for my own fear of tomorrows, of the unknown, of what’s to come or whether it be reality is yet to be determined. I am going to keep pushing through. I am going to keep sparkling. I am going to keep making this work. Because I can. Becuase I am able to. And because I fucking deserve it.

DAY 6

This activity is about planning which baby steps you can start taking in the direction of your goals. TODAY, choose one of your goals and beneath it write down at least 7 baby steps that you can start taking to move toward it. Ask yourself: What else can I try? Where else can I go? Who else can I talk to? You can do this for all of your goals if you like. Starting in the days and weeks ahead, begin to put these steps into practice.

Health –

  1. Go to sleep at a decent hour every night, that hour is yet to be determined but it is surely before midnight
  2. Make sure to say what is on my mind and no hold back when I am thinking something, it keeps me from showing how I really feel about things
  3. Make time to go to the gym at least four times a week
  4. Take at least ten minutes a day to just breathe
  5. Be honest with myself
  6. Know it’s ok to say no
  7. Be kind to myself

100 Pounds Gone!

​100 Pounds…100 POUNDS!!!!


That blows my mind. I can’t even fathom it and yet here it is. Proof in the photo, just like that. I’ve done it, I’ve lost 100 pounds. I couldn’t believe it this morning, bleary eyed on the scale. But there it was. I was so excited and I didn’t understand the whole scale selfie thing until that moment. I’ve worked so hard for so long and finally, it’s happened. Like a whole years worth of burdens off of my shoulders. I’ve lost an entire person. A person I held onto for much too long. Weighing me down, making me so unhappy. But that’s in the past now and the future is so bright I can feel it’s sparkle shine on my face. Look out world, I’M HERE!!!

Day 2 – Love Your Life in 30 Days

Here we go guys. Onto Day 2 of this fun adventure. I had a really good time prioritizing what I really wanted to take forward with me into the New Year. Today is a little bit different but goes along with yesterday. I am feeling really positive about this.

Today we took the trip back home from where we were in NYC at my Mom’s house for the New Year. We had a great time and now we settle back into our daily routine I realized when I stepped through the door that there were a lot of things that I want to do. I want to clean out all the negative things in my life and really expand on the positive. I still have a lot of clutter from the past that I don’t need lingering around anymore. I can’t wait to step back into a few of the old routines but really start getting into new ones to start functioning in a more positive way. It is really going to be a great year!!!

Let’s see what is on the agenda for today shall we?

DAY 2: Create Your Theme(s)
Est. time: 7 minutes

Creating a theme helps you to nail down, stylize, and get excited about the changes that will soon be sweeping through your life. Choose a theme that resonates with you and write it down, using words that have special meaning to you. You may even wish to base it on one or more of your general areas for change from Day 1. Explain your theme’s importance and all of its fun ramifications. For example, if your theme is adventure that might mean: travel, trying new things, meeting new people, taking chances, exploring new places, leaving your comfort zone, and saying yes to new opportunities. You can even write down several themes and what each one means to you.

Here are some theme ideas:
• International world traveler
• Healthy, happy, and thriving
• Adventure, exploration, discovery
• Overflowing with abundance
• Living limitless and free
• Peace, harmony, and tranquility
• Living life to the fullest each day
• Making a difference in the world
• Creatively inspired and fulfilled
• Spiritually empowered
• The best year of my life
• Happily in love and loved

 

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Well let’s see the theme that I use to describe most of how I like to live is

Taking my sparkle back

This resonates to me because it encompasses all that I try to do in my life, with my health and my happiness. I had lost my sparkle a long time ago and I want to reach for the stars and get it back. So along with  TAKING MY SPARKLE BACK I am going to add the theme

Letting my well of creativity overflow with abundance

I want to use this year to let my creativity sparkle and shine. I want to let go of my fear that overwhelms and stops the flow of creativity. I want to let my creativity bring in the abundance that I know is in my future. So along with LETTING MY WELL OF CREATIVITY OVERFLOW WITH ABUNDANCE I am going to add one more thing theme that I think will round out all of my goals for the year and that is this

The best year of my life

That’s right, I am going to let the overall theme of this year be the best year of my life. I thin this theme is exactly right for the changes that will sweep through my life. And I have no doubts that it will be

THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!

 

So there you have it folks. My themes for this year. My day two. I hope this inspired you to think about your themes for the year and I hope your journey is going well. Take care of you and remember to leave a little sparkle wherever you go ❤

#tut30days

Day 1 -Love Your Life in 30 Days

So I signed up for this website www.tut.com and on it I found many interesting, wonderful and inspirational things. On it there’s this program to Love Your Life in 30 Days. There’s a FB group and notebook you can get to help you in your journey. I thought, why the hell not, what else have I got to lose? I have come so far from where I was a year ago, let’s go even further. 

I signed up for the group and introduced myself, told my story and posted my before and after pics. Over 600 likes and 220 comments later and I was blown away by the kinds, wisdom and support of strangers willing to take a chance on a girl whose words they just read on a screen. In lieu of the notebook I decided to blog my journey over the next 30 and share what I learn with you. If you feel so inclined, join me on this adventure, tell me how you’re doing, fill me in. I wish you luck, love and sparkles going into the next 30 Days 💖

DAY 1: TODAY write down at least 5 general areas of your life that you want to create change in and develop over the next year. 
Keeping your goals for change general is powerful because it gives the Universe power to orchestrate the details and figure out “how” your goals can manifest in the best way possible. On Day 3 you will have the chance to “dress up” these generalities with the juicy details that excite you!
Here are some examples of general areas for change: 

– Happiness

– Health

– Love

– Friendship

– Creativity

– Spirituality

– Adventure

– Abundance

My goals for change in the next year are as follows –

1. Health

2. Happiness

3. Abundance

4. Creativity

5. Adventure

There are goals within each of these goals that I think fit together. Some of these goals as I obtain them will, I believe, work together. But those are my top 5 goals for this upcoming year. 

Let’s see what tomorrow brings ☺

#tut30days

Weighing in on 2016 (I’ve come too far to turn back now)

​​The last #facetofacefriday of the year and I am looking at how far I’ve come. 

95 pounds down in 1 year. 95 pounds!!!

Starting weight -356 pounds

Current weight – 261 pounds

Sleeved – 9/26/2016


2016 has been quite a journey for me. Earth shattering lows that I thought I couldn’t possibly survive brought me more strength than I could ever imagine. This year has been a year of self discovery, change and learning how important #selflove really is. I have learned how important it is to look inside yourself and find your #innerstrength . I have found out how important it is to have a strong support system and surround yourself with the people that really care. As much as 2016 hurt it has made me that much more empowered. I am a #strongwoman a #proud #singlemom and looking forward to taking on 2017.  


Here’s to next year. A more fabulous me than I already am. Here’s to working hard, living life and sparkle thoughts. I can do it and so can you!

#motivation #lifegoals #verticalsleevegastrectomy #vsgcommunity #vsg #sleevelife

Igniting the Spark

Far be it from me to ever criticize someone for doing what they love. Okay, that is a lie. I do it all the time. for as much DBT as I go through I am still as judgey as they come and I will be the first to admit that. But I have realized in the past week how freeing it is to really fall in love with something you do and being someone that you are. The last weekend I have never felt so free in my life. Well, that is a lie too, I felt that way once before. When I went to a place of ultimate magic, when I went to New Orleans. It’s funny how the trip of a lifetime and a jaunt to a convention in Rhode Island could make me feel the exact same way but I assume it is a place and time thing. I was exactly where I needed to be at exactly the right time I needed to be there and that is what mattered.

I booked my tickets to Rhode Island Comic Con just a week out from y sleeve surgery, hoping that I would be tiny enough to fit into some fantastical cosplay creation that only my mind could dream up. I ended up going with jeans and a tee shirt. but jeans that were 5 sizes smaller than the ones I had started off in. Small victories right? I just needed the break. I needed to get away and finally do something that was just for me. It had nothing to do with the kids or being in PA. It just had to do with the fact that I hadn’t celebrated who I was in a really long time. Fuck if I know who I am half the time.

The weekend started off with me visiting a friend that I haven’t seen in 17 years. It ended with me in tears over a girl I had just met 24 hours before hand. I had bonded so close to another human being in 24 hours that it physically hurt to leave her side. Laugh if you will but I haven’t felt or allowed to feel myself that strength of emotion in a really long time. In between that, there was laughter and happiness. Smiles and giddiness. A sense of overwhelming freedom and magic. Everywhere I turned there was a lightness to my soul and a sense of wonderment in my heart. For the first time in a long time, I did not feel the burden of despair that weighs me down. For the first time in a long time, I felt as if I could do anything. Like the world really was at my fingertips. One weekend just to be me. To discover me. To reignite what was in my soul.

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In a mere three days, I realized a lot of things about myself. I realized that I have a big personality that I can;t keep bottled up no matter who wants me too. I realized that I deserve so much of what life has to offer no matter who doesn’t think so. I realized that my beauty is not only kept inside where I think it is but it does radiate on the outside even when I am not so sure of myself. I realized that I don’t want to be pent up anymore, I want to be let out into the world. I realized I want my children to have the world full of experiences and meet people that are not all like them because it is then that they will learn the meaning of love. I realized that I deserve to live my life the way I want to live my life and not by anyone else’s rules

I realized I was finally ready to start defying gravity instead of letting everyone hold me down anymore.

I came home and all the weight started pushing me down again. It’s really hard to push back, it’s really heavy and it’s a lot to deal with. But for the first time….I am NOT afraid to push back. My spark has been reignited. I am going to defy gravity damn it…

Oh and the list of stars that I rubbed elbows with because people keep asking

DJ Qualls
Thomas Nicholas
Christian Slater
Jefferey Dean Morgan
Alice Cooper
Stefan Kapicic
Falk Hentschel
Casper crump
 Brett dalton
 Arthur Darville
 Jason David frank
 Brianna Hildebrand
 Jim Parrack
Sean Pertwee
 Brent Spiner
 Mena Suvari
 Travis Aaron wade
 William Zabka
 Ian Ziering
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Steps Forward. Small Victories!

​In showing off my awesome shirt today I realized a few things.

1. It fits! When I bought it, I couldn’t squeeze myself into it and now it fits quite nicely

2. It has been a long time since I took a body pic and felt comfortable enough to share it with the world and I must say, I think I look pretty darn good

3. Alan Rickman is still very much missed and adored in this girls soul

Unexpected Connections


In a vast and changing world there  are days when the tides just pull you along. Your arms flail desperate to keep your head above water and not is all smooth sailing. On those days, as your gasping for air, you wonder if you will ever see the light again. If by some miracle you will ever come out on top.

They suddenly a ping. A low noise goes off like a beacon in dark and you are saved. The sun comes crashing through the darkest night and hits your face. The pale becomes rosy, the shadowed becomes sparkling, the number becomes warm. All is be washed in smiles because of a single kindness. A single thought.

Uneglected connection that you have been waiting on. Wacting for. Waiting by. DIsn’t even know you were searching. ALloyd these questions arise. Will it? Won’t it? Dare I? But you shove them away for the kindness of a smile. Your batter away the negativity especially surrounding where you are, whowever you are….ust for that feelinh. that feeling when you got. Whence you snuck iinto the routine. Whence you realized, that for the first time. In a long time. Your were the reason, for someone’s smile