Category Archives: Celebrity

Day 7 – Love Your Life in 30 Days

Just trying to figure things out in my life. I’m working on it. Trying to stay as positive and sparkly as I can. Today’s activity actually helped a lot. It was about visualization as you will read below and today I really enjoyed that. I got down to the basics and really enjoyed my day, cut down on all the negative self talk and really took care of loving the little things. It was an amazing and I am looking forward to tomorrow where we spend the entire day unplugged and just spending time with each other.

Here’s to another sparkly day!!!!

The activities leading up to Day 7 have all dealt with pro-actively creating transformation. Now, it’s time to go on the defense by observing your thoughts, words, and actions. When you play detective in this way, you can quickly stem the tide of any self-made negativity that may cross your wires or contradict the initiatives you’re taking to spark change. TODAY, simply observe all that you’re thinking, saying, and physically doing. This will help you to understand some of your subliminal inner messaging. When you don’t like what you’re thinking, saying, or doing, then deliberately and lovingly craft a counter-message to immediately put to use.

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Eliza Dushku is so hot

I had a long winded rant that I was going to go into, about life and why this week was going to be really stressful but I happen to be sitting in front of the TV and while the TV is generally not a distraction…Eliza Dushku sauntering on, during try-outs for Bring it On is just fucking distracting. Now I knew for a long time that I had weird feelings when it came to girls, that I wasn’t sure why I got that tingle in my belly when I had sleepovers just like when I played football with the boys but I never really thought of when I had a sexual awakening. Thinking about it now, I am not really sure I can pinpoint it, it had to have come sometime in high school, I mean that was when the experimentation (meaning kissing girls for fun and sport) really started. But Eliza Dushku…

I remember the first time I saw Faith on Buffy, there was something about the feisty, sparkly, sassy extra slayer that just got my juices flowing. Now, looking back on it I can totally tell you that I was highly attracted to her but then I think it was a mixture of that and wanting to be her. Which kind of ties into what I was thinking about before. What I have been thinking about for the past few days. What I want to be when I grow up. Now I am not still fantasizing about being Eliza Dushku…meeting her, yes but not being her. When I am talking about growing up, I am obviously and adult and I do realize that….and I am not talking about my career path. I am talking about the kind of person I want to see reflected back at me.

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I have taken time out in the past few days to reflect on things that have been going on around me, I have been told to take a deep breath and write what I am feeling if I come up to a blockage to write through it and keep writing till I felt comfortable. I fought against that notion until this very moment. I have only thought about writing for the past few days and here I am. Now all I have been feeling is that the winds of change are blowing and if I don’t put my umbrella in the draft I am going to miss my chance and life is going to start passing me by. I have been thinking about my plans for the future, for what life is going to be like in the next couple of months, weeks, days even. A lot of stuff is happening…So let’s catch up.

This week, the kiddos are gone on another mini vacay with their Nanny so I could get stuff done while they had fun. This week is looking towards being super stressful. Back into court with the ex, figuring out exactly what is going to happen with all kinds of custody things. Hoping it turns out fine but I feel like in some ways I am being set up. Seriously…who asks the main parent to pack specific full wardrobes for children for a ten-day vacation and returns the bags with the clothes untouched? Was it a test? T make sure they have clothes? My children are well taken care of, they are healthy, well fed, happy and well adjusted. They are going to be involved in music lessons, piano and violin, drama club, sports, gymnastics and Hebrew school this year. They have so much going on and I am not going to let ANYONE ruin that. So that is all going to be taken care of on Thursday, hopefully, it is all worked out amicably….Because I don’t want to have to go through a whole court battle, it won’t be ok for them and they are all that I care about.

After this mess is cleared up we continue to gear up for school, now it has hit me that I am really doing this on my own. Now I know I have been on my own for the past 7 months, trust me that hasn’t failed to fall on my shoulders but this is different. This feels new, like a new leaf, new responsibilities, and a whole new book. Maybe because it finally is a new year and as a Mom, the start of a new school year is the real beginning. Maybe because there are so many adventures on the horizon and I finally feel up to the task of doing it myself. Maybe because I have realized that I have the ability to do it on my own and it is actually a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. Either way, the new school year is a big deal and that is approaching rapidly.

Also my house, I am rearranging, throwing out, reorganizing and getting rid of the old. I am done with things that have bad memory and juju attached to them. I want my kids to look at things and smile. I want to curl up in my bed and have it be my sanctuary because I am a fucking princess. I don’t need a prince to tell me that.

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Then we come to my surgery, as of the 26th I will be making my last appointment with my surgeon before we schedule my gastric sleeve surgery. I am totally excited and totally terrified all at the same time. I can’t wait to continue on my journey with a new tool in my bag that will help me become a new, healthy me. I am terrified because I have actually become half convinced that I will not recognize myself anymore. I have so many thoughts in my mind about what is going to happen with the surgery that I give myself a headache. I know it it is going to amazing and wonderful and incredible. I also know it is going to be a huge lifestyle change, it is going to be a whole new me and I have to accept the fact that I will look different and I will feel different and I will get different attention. I have to be ok with that. I think it is the different kind of attention. I don’t know what it will be if it is going to happen and that is the biggest part that scares me. I think I am scared people won’t love me for who I am anymore but for what is on the outside. But I shouldn’t worry about it so much because I still know who I am and I love that person….Are you still keeping up? I think I lost myself about a paragraph ago.

So ahem….now that we have caught up on what will be going on I will leave you with this. I have finally got the courage under my wings, and a voice whispering in my ear, and a foot kicking me in the ass to really get on board with my book project. It is still in the futzing around stages right now but I can tell you it is going to be amazing. I can also tell you that I have been working on my bariatric blog and that has been going pretty fucking well too. I am going to go back to watching Eliza Dushku shaking her ass…and I am going to pick out a whole new bedroom set while doing so. Because I am starting a whole new book and this sassy slayer gets to start shaking it in style too.

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How Miss Jean Louis  (and nude orca riding) changed my life 

I was in no way a nudist by nature, in fact under the circumstances I most did everything that involved me being naked in the complete dark. Except showeting, though candle light makes everything sexy but that is not a topic we will delve into right now. So when the opportunity arose for me to experience a fully nude orca experience, you could imagine my hesitation. Not only because when I found the ticket for it in the bottom of my cereal box, I wondered how the hell it got there. But also because I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

Riding orcas naked, who does that? Unable to quell my curiosity, I called the number on the bottom of the free pass and booked my ticket. As I showed up on the pier that morning, there was a chill in the air that not even my double layers were ready for. I was alone, cold and highly unnerved as a single boat pulled toward the dock, a solitary wild woman on her deck. I inherently assume boats are female and this one has the name Misha scrawled on the side in a spinach green paint.

She was wearing a silk kimono, the woman not the boat, and she greeted me with a devilish smile and open arms. I took her embrace to be something between a friendly hug and an Esopus pulling me toward my doom upon the seas. She must have felt me tremble as I stumbled aboard her vessel, not making a sound, and looked at her wide eyed.

“Salutations and all that jazz” she said as we left the dock. “You look like I am going to swallow your soul”

“W-w-well” I tripped over my words, my tongue suddenly too big for my mouth. “I’m not sure what I am doing here”

She smiled knowingly and whistled to her monkey (she had a MONKEY!) who took over steering as she led me to a very comfortable seat. She handed me a silk robe.

“This is for when you’re ready”

“Today, you’re life is going to change, much like mine did the day I she’d my clothes and was one with the orcas. Let me tell you about it”. She smiled then, scooting next to me and looping her arm around my shoulders. She held one hand toward the skies as if she was painting a picture and she began to pontificate.

“Long ago, before there was the CW, William Shatner and Comic Con…There was this thing called free time. And in this free time, we had what you called fun. And during this fun we used to produce art. Art in so many forms that the human brain could not even imagine. We used our bodies, our minds our hearts, our souls, our words. We took what was nearest to us and created. Not I wasn’t much of an artist, I was awkward as I was gangly. I didn’t fit in with the artists as much as one would like me to. But I was determined to make my mark on the planet. I always had a fascination with the water, I believed that things and strange lands lived beneath them. My mother told me that I spent so much time in the sea, I was becoming part fish. And it was true, only she didn’t not know the extent of it. I fell in love in the water, in the dark if night I’d take to the sea and a merman would swim to meet me. We would find a dark shore and build our love in sand castles until the dawn tore us from each other again. For if you did not know, the day send the merfolk to their kingdoms, the sunlight does poison their skin. Well one night we were discovered, our art was discovered as was our love. I was unaware that not only had the human world discovered us (beaches were pretty strict about their no trespass laws) but he had been followed. I stripped of my clothes and took to the seas, as my hand slid in his we swam as far as we could until I tired and the sun became to come up. I was unaware of exactly the detriment sun was to my loves skin. I remember a softly kiss and a whispered I love you. The last I ever heard of his voice. When I awoke, I was nude, a top a great orca. I knew I was safe, but I knew my love was gone. As I looked into the eyes of this creature, I saw all I had lost. But the potential he gave me to create art with all my soul. So off we took to find the rest of the curse merfolk, me astride my lost love, nude and gangly for all to sea. A routine, a few dollars earned and the greatest art love can produce. He believed in our love and in me so greatly, that I was able to eli eve I  myself and go on.”

She took my hands in hers. And smiled.

“I knew you needed help believing in yourzelf, that’s why you’re here. To throw it all to the wind and ride in art and love”

I had listened to her in utter awe. This crazy, strange, fearless redhead in front of me was off her nut but had such a point. I stood with my robe in hand and smiled back at her.

“Where can I get changed, I’m ready”

On the road – SoundCloud

Listen to On the road by Shaina Abbs #np on #SoundCloud

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Bohemian Lullabye

Yes this may or may NOT be the prologue to Shaye’s tale

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Prologue

“What are you doing?” my brow furrowed as he first turned his gaze and then his entire body away from me.

I was met with silence, that cold ring of silence that makes you uncomfortable and anxious all at the same time. I stared at the ceiling and tapped my fingers together wondering if I was going to get an answer from him.

We had been in a lull between tours and we had just another few weeks before we went on the road again. There had been talks of separate buses, because who wants to deal with a weepy Oliver when he can’t see the baby. I didn’t even know if the entire family was coming along this time. The last month long tour we did on the west coast we were ramped and it just blew.

There was a crack in my ceiling; I idly made it into various shapes as he still was silent. I knew he wasn’t dead, how morbid of a thought, because he was still breathing. And he wasn’t snoring so he wasn’t asleep. He was just waiting. Just fucking waiting. For what? I didn’t know. I had nothing left to apologize for. I tried to make amends for my past, for being distant, for not wanting to jump his bones every five seconds, hell I apologized for not making the bed the other day. But it wasn’t enough.

I took a deep breath “Baby, why did you turn away from me?”

“Because I needed to, because sometimes I don’t even think you realize that you aren’t a person anymore.”

I winced, sighed and let my head drop. “Alright, if that’s how you feel.”

I slipped out of the bed, feet hitting the cold stone of the floor, and quickly yanked on a pair of yoga pants and a sport tank and headed off to the kitchen. I almost expected him to follow me. I knew he wouldn’t, when he gets like this he never does. I half hoped that the guys were coming over to snag him for a rehearsal today. As the coffeemaker began to drip I scooped my hair into a ponytail on the top of my head. He called me pebbles when I did that, not that he had done that lately. I glanced around at the quaint stone cottage and made a face at the boxes I had yet to unpack.

I just didn’t have the strength or energy lately, honestly all I wanted during this break was to rest and spend time with Eric. But my time with him kept leading to these petty fights and I just, I just didn’t know what to do. He’s so logical and I’m so not. I’m spontaneous and he’s organized. I love clutter and he, well he can’t leave dishes in the sink overnight.

Adding some coffee to my sugar and cream I plopped down in my oversized armchair and flipped the lid open to the box closest to me. Pulling a manila envelope out of the top, I frowned because I didn’t remember when or how that got there. I opened it slowly and placing my coffee on the table next to me, reached in tentatively. It was full of pictures.

I pulled them out one by one, studying each and every detail. Some were from even before we hit it big. Way before. Some were from high school, HIGH SCHOOL. When my hair we all kinds of curious colors, and there was smiles on all of our faces. Each of the pictures as they fell into my lap brought back memories I hadn’t had in so long. Some bad and some good but each had lyrics and poems attached to them. I knew what I had to do to get out of this funk. I grabbed my pone and loaded up a bunch of songs and stood up letting the pictures flutter to the floor.

I hastily wrote a note and left it on the table:

Eric,

Went for a run to clear my head. Technology free day, soon as I come home. Yes I have it on me, and my knife and my pepper spray.

Love you,

Shaye

 

Placing my ear buds in, I stretched my legs out and headed out the door of my small stone fortress, and out into the woods. Taking in a deep breath of that green fresh mountain air I began to slowly jog, losing myself in my memories.

© S.R. Gray 2016

Another Fallen Star

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What do you say when someone you has never met, but has touched your life so profoundly. Do you weep freely or hide your tears from the world. When we lose those that shaped our lives through their words and talent; We sit in stunned silence as if a lover has passed. When the tears finally come and your body convulsed with solve, you curse the universe for trying to shatter dreams.

“What are you going to do next? Hit me with that fiiish”

Thank you for bring my awakening, helping me go after my dreams and just being one helluvah guy.

RIP Alan Rickman

Your star will never stop shining.

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