My Hero Circa August 2011

Faded butterflies with their painted wings brightened only by the summers sun. Breezes flow through the grass picking up the faded leaves of autumn and as the seasons change around me I wonder what life is anymore. Lost ad confused the meadow of yellowing grass as the roses freeze over with the winter’s bitter chill up ahead. Monarchs flutter past their wings a brilliant gold and black patterned. I think about you I wonder if you really knew how much you meant to everyone around you…I wonder if you realize how much you meant to me. Life is so very complicated and being twenty years old in this day and age isn’t easy…but then again you always told me life wasn’t east. You told me to dream and to live and prove myself to the world…because I could because I had potential. I’m trying I really am but scuffling around in this spiraled seasonal change makes things look dimmer. Gently rippling brook passes through my lonely meadow and the rocks skim across the surface as I toss them in. breaking my reflection as I glance into the mirror that is the river of life. So many faces shine back at me, I have my mothers face I have my mothers hands I have my mothers laughter. And I’ve yet to see a part of me that isn’t her…I’ve yet to see a part of me that isn’t you. Strong and sensible, kind and unwavering..You built your life around morals and respect. You created a path in which anyone that finds out about it should feel privileged that they ever got to know you. Icy cold, the river passes over bare fingers and I think to myself, what can I do now. What can I do to make you proud of me? Numerous ideas flow through my mind but I’ve yet to settle on one. Do I write do I sing do I dance..Nothing is enough to celebrate the memory and lasting impression you made in my life. I don’t think I ever got to tell you how much I loved you…. with everything I had you were my bet friend and I hope in years to come I can still turn to you and you can wipe away my tears. Sometimes I blame myself for what happened for the fact that you wished it not on me but on you and if I had just not gotten sick you’d still be here. That you’d dance at my wedding and celebrate your first grandchild. And I know you will in your own way. Just not for everyone to see. A special secret shared between us, a secret song and lullaby, a breeze off the river a whisper in the night a comforting hand that squeezes mine when I feel alone. I regret our fights our arguments the fact that we never got to see cabaret….and I hope you forgive me for being the stupid silly childish person I was at times. But everyone ahs to grow up somehow don’t they? As I mature all I wish is that I could be half the woman you were and have half of whatever I own reflect what you. I wish in my heart that none of this had happened. That someone is going to turn around and laugh and tell me this was all a big joke. But then again that’s another childish fantasy. I think that maybe if I had been a better person they wouldn’t have taken you away from me. And I know it was all in the plans of up above but I don’t understand how the best people in the world can be taken away fro seemingly no reason. And what makes it harder is the fact that no one has the reasons. Strength comes in many forms….and when I look into my mother’s eyes and see her pain I wish for everything I could make it all ok again but I cant. So I satiate myself into a world of fear and sorrow…the realities of today are harsh…but the spring breaks and the sun comes back out to play renewing life and making everything bright and shiny again. The flowers bloom and we celebrate all that you had to give. Or at least we will for your spirit lives on inside of each one of us and I know that in my heart you will never be gone…and one day you’ll walk beside me as I take on the name of another. That you’ll cradle my children in your arms helping them through the rough times and laughing with them as they go through the joys of life. You’ll be standing by my side by mom’s side by all our sides because you were never one to give up that easily. Sun sets on my field an din the moonlight the moths came out to play…Give them color as you have given it to all of us. Bless every sunrise with you laughter and every phase of the moon with your soothing remedies of the heart. The question for me now is where to go form here…well to tell you the truth I can live each day as it comes..Smile as much as I can and love with all my heart respecting everything and anything that deserves…why can I do this because you gave the power to do it…you were wise and strong and the best teacher I could ever have….you’re never too far away to call on when I’m in need…..You gave me my wings and I’m going to fly……..thank you for everything GK…thank you for being you thank you for making me thank you for giving the world the grandeur of your smile and letting everyone bask in the glory of your everlasting spirit.

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