Circa Dec 2003

I gave you the last of my innocence. Not that i was saving it for anything in particular. But it was nice to have. I never wanted to feel anything towards you. I had learned my lesson and i was satiated with that. You told me i had learned, i Smiled. You told me you wanted to play, i Nodded. You told me that i knew you better than most people youve dated, i felt Accomplished. Then….Oh but Then, ou kissed me with your hands on my face. and my dam CRUMBLED.I started to analyze, to think, to ponder what was going on. I believed(and still do) that i AM the only on youve been with…while with her. But theres always circumstance that keeps you from being with me. And ive taken to wonder, even if you werent with her…would there still be circumstance? Would you still kiss me with your hand son my face? Still look into my eyes? Still run your hands over my body in that gentle way i never knew you could? Or wouldI be called “CLINGY” again? I never wanted to fall for you. I never wanted to relapse into that little girl i once was. I fear what tomorrow brings. I fear never getting to touch you again…never feel your skin agasint mine…Never get to look into your intense ees..entwine my fingers with youra and feel you inside me.I never felt the way i did last night before…I havent been so enthralled in my life…you have me in a trance…you compell me…I dont want to feel stupid and silly and obsessed. It killed me today to see you with her….But if not with her would it be someone else? Or do i have right to believe what i feel when you put your hands on my face and kiss me?

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