251 Things about me Circa Feb 2009

  1. I have a tendency to be overly optimistic and hopeful even in the worst circumstances.
  2. I love being pregnant….and though I want to wait a while after this little one I’d like to have 2 or 3 more kids
  3. I am torn between city and country……..New York…. is the love of my life, but I find myself craving the outdoors and trees and even bugs
  4. I tend to reminisce on the past in the most odd of circumstances
  5. I have a fascination with serial killers and the holocaust and need to read as much as I can about both
  6. I could eat sushi every day for the rest of my life and be perfectly happy
  7. I wish I could go back to school in the real way. Not that I would want to change my life but I wish I had had the experience of dorming and living away.
  8. I think there is nothing sexier than an accent…and a kilt
  9. I totally believe I should have been born in the 1950’s and dated James Dean….or some other hot sexy greaser.
  10. I love to write and be creative but I cannot write a script to save my life
  11. I totally love to dance, but there has not been one person that can actually lead where I can follow.
  12. I want more than anything else to travel the world with my children for a while and then settle down in a nice town and open my own coffee shop…of the old school variety…have it be a gallery for up and coming photographers, and turn into a swanky lounge at night.
  13. I think there is something magical and wonderful in everyone, and that they don’t just embrace it when they should
  14. I didn’t get my driver’s license until about 4 months ago because I never thought I needed it
  15. I’m not shallow but I really just can’t stand ugly people
  16. I have an issue with old tourists and not cute kids….especially when they are together and bugging you in Times Square
  17. It totally annoys me when people don’t use their blinkers…nothing pisses me off more
  18. I have a big heart, I trust easily, fall fast and get hurt…but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I truly believe that if you hide what’s inside you will never be truly happy.
  19. I have two diagnosed autoimmune diseases…..but I do not consider myself sick and never will
  20. My greatest hero came in the form of my Grandma Kay. I have never known anyone stronger, braver, and more elegant or more kind then her
  21. I have a hard time getting close to females because our brains usually aren’t wired the same way. Though when I find a girlfriend I will do everything in my power to keep them.
  22. I am protective, loyal and honest with my friends….they are my world
  23. I come from a HUGE family! And no matter what happens in my life they will always come first
  24. I believe that I need to travel and show my kids everything I know….and only then will their life be complete
  25. There is nothing more in my world that I want other than my kids to look at me when we’re older and go….yeah that’s MY mom….and be proud of it….
  26. Sometimes I want to stay under the covers indefinitely
  27. I love with all of my heart but spurn me once and I won’t easily forget it….
  28. I have hit someone once, and will regret it till the day I die….
  29. I don’t ever feel like I can say I’m sorry enough, when I have screwed up….
  30. I love strawberry and pistachio ice cream but not together….
  31. If I’m in a crowd of people and I don’t know anyone I am painfully shy; if I do know someone I tend to use all the inside jokes I can think of in order to open up….
  32. I love being the center of attention….
  33. I want love and affection on my own terms….
  34. I can be incredibly catty and shallow….
  35. My first instinct is to judge and I do everything I can to fight that down….
  36. When I pinky swear, I will keep it no matter what….
  37. When I said I do I meant forever….?
  38. I would love to date a nice guy but I don’t LIKE nice guys….
  39. There is something about a man in tight jeans a tight white tee shirt and a leather jacket that gets me all riled up….
  40. I don’t like ramen noodles with broth….
  41. I’m a city girl but I don’t want to bring up my kids in the city….
  42. It bugs me when I am on my best behavior and people still don’t like me….
  43. I’m not a huge chocolate person but chocolate covered pretzels and French friends dipped in chocolate shakes amaze me there is something about salty and sweet….
  44. I love just about anything gummi….
  45. I never really liked cola products till I was pregnant….
  46. I know no one can take care of my kids as well as I can….
  47. I have just gotten comfortable with myself naked….
  48. I have NOT been with as many people and YOU think I have….
  49. I date bad guys because inside I feel like I deserve the abuse….
  50. I prefer markers to pens but I prefer gel pens to ball point….
  51. I don’t use a lot of lower case letters when I write….
  52. I carry a mechanical pencil everywhere….
  53. I used to lie. A lot and can still recall every detail….
  54. I hate being lied to and can usually tell when it is happening. The truth may upset me but not as much as if I found out you lied….
  55. I worry constantly if I am good enough….
  56. I judge my mothering skills very harshly….
  57. I worry that I don’t do a good job as a mom….
  58. As much as I love being with a woman it would take an uber special circumstance for me to be with one forever….
  59. I still have a 1950’s romantic family scenario that plays in my head….
  60. I don’t think I deserve to be truly loved….
  61. I honestly don’t know if anyone has really loved me….
  62. I am terrified of being a single mom….
  63. I am not a fan of pizza on a normal basis….
  64. I cover my face if I know someone is about to embarrass themselves in a movie….
  65. I have never had a valentine….
  66. As much shit as has happened between me and some of my friends I would still defend them….
  67. I used to have an illegitimate fear of penises….
  68. I love tequila and it has never given me a hangover….
  69. I wish I knew I was allergic to latex when I lost my virginity I would have been better….
  70. I can name all the guys I have slept with in chronological order but not the girls….
  71. I have perverse fantasies that I am too shy to tell anyone about….
  72. I can be a flirt and a tease but I won’t make a first move….
  73. Most of the people I flirt with I won’t hook up with….
  74. I get tired of people telling me that after I have the baby I will lose all the weight….
  75. I am tired of people telling me I shouldn’t gain weight in my pregnancy….
  76. My two touchiest subjects are money and Christopher….
  77. If I am sad I want to be held….
  78. If I am angry the worst thing to do is coddle me….
  79. I love soft sheets and beds you can melt into….
  80. I miss my Jayson all the time….
  81. I love nice hot bubble baths….
  82. I am a big fan of angry sex….
  83. I do not enjoy one night stands….
  84. I can’t hook up with someone I don’t mesh with….
  85. I don’t feel like I can trust anyone with my whole heart again….
  86. I miss my best friend….
  87. I will eternally love the food groups….
  88. I don’t want to rely on someone for my happiness….
  89. I am scared that my kids and I will be alone….
  90. I am scared that I will lose them….
  91. I hate it when things startle me (in a jump out go boo kind of way) I get angry and punchy then upset….
  92. I can name everyone that has a piece of my heart….
  93. I fall hard and fast in love….
  94. I don’t believe you can be in love with two people at the same time in the same way….
  95. Couples love me but I could never be part of a triumvirate because I’m selfish….
  96. I’m scared of the dark….
  97. I can’t go to sleep until I’ve checked on my kids and told them I loved them….
  98. I was told at the age of 17 that I may never be able to carry kids….
  99. When pregnant I can’t fall asleep until I feel my little one move….
  100. I have a fear of losing all the people I love….
  101. I feel if I stop at any given moment life is going to pass me by….
  102. I honestly don’t know who I want at the birth of my child….
  103. I hate working retail but Ritz isn’t the worst job out there….
  104. I feel like I would be a better mom if I were a SAHM or a WAHM….
  105. I joke about remarrying for money but I wouldn’t do that unless there was love involved because I wouldn’t be happy….
  106. I probably won’t sleep with you….
  107. I am terrified or PPD….
  108. I think I have an undiagnosed mental psychosis….
  109. I will say I love you as much as I possibly can because I don’t think I said it enough to the ones I have lost….
  110. I can be unintentionally hypocritical….
  111. I am way too emotional….
  112. I don’t want to be like my mother when I grow up….
  113. I want to move somewhere new and start my life over….
  114. I have never really ridden a horse….
  115. I have hurt people unintentionally throughout the years and still wish I could go back and fix it….
  116. I think I have made mistakes that have pushed some of the best people I know away…..
  117. I feel my greatest achievement will be making my kids proud….
  118. I blame myself for my grandmother dying….
  119. I hate myself for being sick my entire life….
  120. As a kid all I wanted to do was go to college; I still want to have a real college experience….
  121. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had made a different choice; then I feel guilty and get mad at myself….
  122. I have inherited the mom ability to put the fear of god into bill collectors….
  123. I honestly had nothing to do with my bad credit….
  124. I think my hands are prettier with acrylic….
  125. I am a Faeriephile….
  126. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up….
  127. I believe everyone deserves one great romance….
  128. I regret not sleeping with a Scotsman….
  129. I have tons of shoot ideas but no camera….
  130. Parents love me but wives don’t….
  131. I think love letters are amazing….
  132. I still have a box of notes from High School….
  133. I don’t understand why people add you to Facebook when they hated you as a kid….
  134. I get sad and somewhat jealous seeing my ex’s happy….
  135. Looking at happy couples makes me queasy….
  136. Kissing my forehead is the quickest way to calm me down….
  137. I want to be dominated….
  138. I am a completely different person in the bedroom….
  139. I love holding hands and making out….
  140. I hate money….
  141. I feel the need to travel….
  142. I am a photographer in my heart….
  143. I can read 5 books at the same time….
  144. I AM a larger….
  145. I love dirty talk but too much of it turns me off….
  146. Psychological thrillers turn me on….
  147. I hate scary movies….
  148. I never know what to call my best friends parents….
  149. I love to drive more than I thought I would….
  150. I blow my nose often because I can’t stand the sound of sniffling. Or slurping or chewing with your mouth open….
  151. I have an amazing sense of hearing….
  152. My son amazes me more everyday….
  153. I love boys in eyeliner and glitter….
  154. I enjoy being a fag hag….
  155. I may never go back to Pride….
  156. I have fallen for each one of my best friends at least once….
  157. I don’t need to drink to do karaoke….
  158. I will watch almost any movie….
  159. I have a fear of clowns but not for normal reasons….
  160. I never feel beautiful….
  161. I think I have more insecurities than the average female….
  162. I don’t like to spend other people’s money….
  163. I have a feisty temper….
  164. I can be very sarcastic….
  165. I have a huge family and feel indebted to them. And because of that I feel I can’t escape and when I try to I feel guilty….
  166. I carry way too much on my shoulders….
  167. I feel like I need to be perfect for everyone….
  168. Not many people see the real me; most of the ones who have broken my heart….
  169. I am still a hopeless romantic….
  170. I don’t like silence….
  171. I can’t watch House or other shows like that with kids dying on them but I watch SVU regularly….
  172. If I’m at my own house I prefer neat but at my mother’s I really don’t care….
  173. I am angry that I have to rely on other people….
  174. I am angry for the past….
  175. I don’t like being angry….
  176. I blame myself for us falling apart….
  177. I think my in-laws are angry/disappointed in me….
  178. I worry that my little girl won’t be as loved by the family as Jayson is….
  179. I have cried at every episode of Greys Anatomy….
  180. I have lots of journals with only a few pages filled out in each….
  181. I don’t regret but I have a bunch of what if’s….
  182. I need a vacation and that makes me feel like a bad mom….
  183. I try to be friends with everyone even when I shouldn’t….
  184. I wonder if and how I will ever be truly happy….
  185. I want to be praised when I do something extraordinary but not criticized when I know I need to improve….
  186. I have no yet perfected the Jewish guilt trip….
  187. People pleasers piss me off….
  188. I want a breast reduction….
  189. I think it’s funny that a lot of girls I have been with now claim to be straight….
  190. I have had too many friend pass away….
  191. I and a textaholic….
  192. I ramble when I’m nervous….
  193. I never intentionally play victim. I just write to get things off my chest….
  194. My kids are my life and joy….
  195. I don’t really enjoy being ultra-spoiled small things matter most….
  196. I hate cats and can’t stand most dogs unless they are mine….
  197. The sounds of latex and styrafome make me cringe….
  198. I try not to be a jealous person….
  199. I believe in finding your soul mate….
  200. I believe marriage can last forever….
  201. I don’t like looking in mirrors….
  202. I used to speak 4 languages….
  203. I feel like no one listens to me most of the time….
  204. I make a great scapegoat….
  205. I hate drama but always seem to be surrounded by it….
  206. I love dorks….
  207. I hate doing dishes but love laundry….
  208. I am a genuinely nice person which always comes back to haunt me….
  209. I miss ….Virginia…. even though I was never truly happy there….
  210. There are only a handful of people that I won’t fight with for doing stuff for me….
  211. Androgyny is sexy….
  212. I hate having to ask for help….
  213. I didn’t mean to push some of you away….
  214. I prefer film to digital….
  215. I don’t like peach, watermelon or purple (fake) flavored things….
  216. I want to be totally enveloped in love….
  217. I love falling in love….
  218. I want to be able to give my kids everything they need….
  219. There is something about cocky guys that gets me all worked up….
  220. I prefer tea to coffee….
  221. I like to keep busy at all times….
  222. I am not a big list person….
  223. I hate when I am showing someone a move they have never seen and someone else starts talking….
  224. I am a pause button junkie….
  225. I don’t like sleeping alone….
  226. Full Metal Jacket gave me nightmares at 5 years old and I still can’t get thru it….
  227. I can name everyone one of “OUR” songs in relation to my ex’s….
  228. I’m tired of giving 110% and getting less than 20 back….
  229. I want to kiss a cowboy….
  230. I am tired of being the one who always has to call first….
  231. It genuinely hurts me to think that a friend’s significant other doesn’t like me….
  232. I feel useless when I can’t do anything to help….
  233. My favorite flavor of Jell-O is green….
  234. I have tried to make it past the first page of 1984 15 times and still can’t….
  235. I play WOW crossed armed….
  236. If I don’t hear back from a faraway friend that I made the effort to contact I get really upset….
  237. It makes me smile and cry to see how much Jayson looks like his daddy….
  238. Every time I go to get the paperwork I feel like I’m giving up on what I believe in and just can’t do it….
  239. I never feel like I will be good enough….
  240. I’m healthiest when I’m pregnant….
  241. I don’t think I can ever truly let myself love someone I have met online again….
  242. I hate flying and have never been out of the country….
  243. When I feel like my world is crashing down on me I turn into the worst friend ever….
  244. I cheated once in my life and will always feel horrid about it….
  245. My favorite Texas Hold Em hand is queen/nine….
  246. I think my prince is out there but I don’t know if I have the strength to find him….
  247. I like to read saucy novels that make me smile secretly to myself in public….
  248. I love. New England… sports teams….
  249. I names my son Jayson for a reason and there are only 2 people that can get away with shortening it….
  250. I don’t mind being in the hospital but I am allergic to anesthesia and I won’t let most normal nurses draw my blood….
  251. Laundromats are therapeutic….

So there you have it. I have been through so much and don’t know what tomorrow will bring. But I will never lose hope that it will be better than

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