Anniversary of a broken heart

The enormity of the memories that swarm around today just overtook me and I want to crawl out of the rockslide that just buried me. I remember everything. The laughter, the kisses, the sparkle in your eyes as you took my hands in your own and promised me forever. I remember how I held forever tighly in the palm of my hand but it slipped away like tiny grains of sand in an hourglass. I wonder where the time went. Two years, it would have been two years. Funny but I can’t remember the sound of your voice. Right now I would give anything to hear you say Good Morning Beautiful. Yet in the same breath I am so happy that I can’t. I know it would send me into a heart-shattering tail spin that I have finally been able to heal from. I can finally open my eyes each morning and not feel the heavy weight on my chest of you not being around. I don;t look to the pillow next to me just to watch you sleep. I don;t expect the texts during the day. Or wait for you to come home at night. I don;t wonder every moment how your day has been. I don’t ask myself every day what you could be doing at that second. You cross my mind from time to time, sometimes in anger but most of the time as a passing thought and I wish for you to be ok. I wonder if you wonder about me, the kids, the life you left behind. But days like this, the biggest of our lives, somewhere deep within my heart it resonates that you could be thinking of me too. I think about the things I could have gotten you, the words we would have spoken, the smiles we would have shared. What I would have made for dinner, what plans we would have come up with, if we would still be kissing like the first time we ever did. I remember how we were so excited to have made it through the first year and looked forward to so many to come. And then it was over, as if it had only been a dream really. A slow slide into fantasy for but a shimmering second. A trip but as quick and as brief into the Mistwood. One that can only happen once upon a December. I cannot hold anger anymore, it is too uch a weight to bear. But I hold a sadness there, that what we had, what we lived, what we felt was never cherished enough. That people only get to feel it but a few times in their lifetime and we let it pass us by. It’s days like these that I hope for you. I hope you found your simple life, the life that makes you the happiest, because I remember that smile, when we were at our happiest. On days like today when nothing could stop us. I cherish those memories. I cherish us, what we had and went through. The anniversary of our life together. The anniversary of my broken heart. I can’t remember your voice anymore. But I remember what your soul felt like. And for that I will always love you. I wish you all the best. Happy anniversary Charming.

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