Tears of a child

It breaks my heart when they cry. when we’ve come so far but there is a moment, a song or a memory that takes them back to a place they used to we. More EXACTLY a place WE used to be. And this month holds no exceptions. This season holds no boundaries. Dates, books, songs, smells…all the things and promises that were made, that were left unfulfilled. The questions that were left unanswered. All the smiles that have faded, the laughter that has floated by with the wind. I feel helpless sometimes and all I can do is hold them. Promise them it will get easier, promise them a better tomorrow. Make new memories to wipe away the painful ones. Still their are traces of your fingerprints on their hearts. Your signature in their books. Your picture in their minds. I don’t know how to deny them your existence but if I could I would wipe you from their minds, a clean slate because the tears that spill is so fresh with pain. so full of hurt and innocence. It is as if you never realized or cared how much you damaged their fragile beating hearts. For shame that their first heartbreak will always be in the name of a father and not some silly person that meant less than nothing to them. The name Daddy etched in their hearts will forever be a sad cross to bear. Something you ruined in your selfish pursuit of something different. The tears of a child are something that one should never be to blame for. And my anger that rises as I wipe those tears away is only so laced by the fact that I know in my heart I can give them a better tomorrow now that you are gone. That  one day they will know what it is to love and be loved by someone who genuinely is going to be there for them forever. Who doesn’t break their promises and who answers all their questions with kind words and a gentle hand. My children will be ok and one day the heartache will quiet. This season may be long and cold but we will get through it together. And you, your heart will forever have a hole from the loss these beautiful souls.

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