Here I go again on my own

Once school starts fall should automatically begin. Once kids are back in school, the weather should cool down and we should get 3 or 4 perfect months of hoodies weather. Or at least have it happen on labor day….I may just be cranky because I am totally sunburned. 

So today was the first day of school for the kiddos. I walked then to the bus, cried my way home and went to sleep. I was so emotionally worn out after an hour and a half that I needed a break. Reasoning behind it you ask…well

The summer went by so incredibly fast, I don’t even remember what I did for half of it. Only that I wish I had spent more time running around and playing with the kids. I wish we had taken more pictures and had more ice cream. There are lots of things I could should myself on and won’t because I know my kiddos had a great time and loved every minute.

And me, over the summer, I wrote and I healed and I cried. I laughed and I bonded with the people that care. I built my strength up and learned how to get along on my own. I prepared myself for what was coming up to round out this year. I prepared myself for today.

The first day of school, of excitement and joy and the knowledge that my babies are growing up so quickly. The first day of school, I always had someone holding my hand ad I let go of theirs. Today I didn’t have that. Today was hard. But I was ok.

I realize that intentionally or not I tried to find a replacement. Not for validation, sex or even a relationship. I was trying t ok fill the only part of my soul I can’t yet completed on my own. The part that remembers what it’s like to have a partner, a confidant, someone to fill up the empty moments. And what I’ve learned from that is that although I am lonely I am still ok. The world will keep on turning. The air will still smell as sweet and my heart will be filled with the love of my children and the live I’m learning for myself.

First day of school.

First page of a new story.

Here’s to us!

Sparkle thoughts

Shaye

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