Not right now

I stood there thinking. And as I thought I realized that too much of it was about you and that it wasn’t fair. I wanted to be done once and for all. I was done thinking about you and you and you. That it was time to think about me. How much I’ve grown and achieved and been present. I had to be mindful. I had to be aware. You didn’t deserve my thoughts. I did. You had them for too long. For years. 

I mindfully breathed in the calmed

I breathed out the hurt, the games, the broken promises

I mindfully cleaned out my room

I packed a tote with all your belongings in it

I mindfully took all the pictures of you out of the children’s room

I removed the drawings, the canvases and cards

I mindfully deleted every picture off of social media

I put all the one I had onto a removable drive, tucked away

I mindfully breathed in my new beginning

I began to erase you from my life, my home, my children

I choose me. I choose them. I no longer choose to dwell in the hurt you cause. I no longer choose to live in the shadows you cast. I no longer am ashamed of who I have become. You told me once, I deserved so much better than you.

You. Were. Right. 

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