So the other day I decided I was going to quit. I was going to quit being a quitter. I had quit so many things in my life already. I had quit believing in faerietales because so many of them were broken. I had quit trying to quit smoking because I just couldn’t. I had quit trying to be mindful because it was crap….Then I woke up one morning and I swear to the fucking heavens it was like waking up in the beginning montage of grease (only better animation) and I decided I had to quit quitting. Granted I had gotten a whole 3 hours of sleep and it was the day after my first DBT session….
It has been so long so let me catch you up to speed. It has been 5 whole months since Charming up and left the picture. almost a month since he up and left for good. I knew it was going to happen, I tried to prepare myself for that final shutdown, that door slamming in my face, that long beep of the heart monitor going dead just before that dead air but I wasn’t prepared for it. He didn’t prepare any of us for it. One day it was I would never….and 4 weeks later I stare at the pile of his stuff and answer questions from the kids with words that don’t give them any solace and shake my head wondering when the man I knew turned into a stranger. There are no more tears from me, he does not hold that power anymore, I only wish the tears the children cry will dry soon because he wasn’t brave enough to keep fighting for them and they deserve so much more than broken promises.
It has been nearly 6 months since I started on my Bariatric journey and it is going fabulously. I have actually started a blog specifically for that over here Taking My Sparkle Back or you can follow me on FB Taking My Sparkle Back . I am super proud of what is going on and would love to take you guys on that wild ride with me. Along with that project, I am also working on my photography website which I will post the link too when I have it up and running.
Now back to the whole quitting thing. So when I started DBT I had to admit to myself that the last time I quit because I couldn’t deal with the thought of my therapist leaving me. So this time, I not only made the commitment to stay, I made the commitment not to quit, not just DBT but not to quit on myself. Be it in therapy but also in life. I want to make those positive changes I keep talking about. I want to be honest, I want to be healthy. So I have made the decision to quit the things that are bad for me and to quit quitting the things that are good for me…