At first you are so numb that emotions only break through when you least expect it. Your heart feels like an empty spot in your chest. You’ve loved so much it burst and the faerie dust leftover slips through your fingers. You don’t know if it is going to blow away with the next gentle breeze. You know this isn’t a time to escape in your head but you can’t escape
thoughts that push you down.
Then you’re mad. Anger blossoms in that empty hole. Seeing red becomes the only thing to do. Mad at the world, at yourself, at the one who shattered you in the first place. You question your choices, your past. You go over, dissect and eviscerate your choices, your relationship, your words, your mistakes. And when you are through overanalyzing you cry.
The emotion finally swells and you cry like the tears have been there your whole life and you broke the dam. Your body’s is broken with sobs and you can’t hold yourself together. Everything becomes a trigger, everything hurts, you always want to share it with the piece of you that’s gone. It’s unexplainable, even you don’t understand it; one day you are fine and the next you can’t stop the waterfall.
No matter how long this stays, eventually it goes and that’s when you begin to heal.
You start by waking up and feeling a little better everyday. You don’t take everything so personally. You still feel those feelings but you only give yourself a minute to wallow or the length of a phone call to your best friend. You hold onto the good memories, smile at things on Pintrest and start letting people see you for you again. You aren’t ready for another book to be written again but eventually you wouldn’t mind scribbling a few pages in your journal.
Eventually you will. You will laugh again. You will have your hand held. Your bed won’t always be empty. Someone will say something so funny you will laugh till your sides hurt. Someone will cup your face gently and give you a first kiss. And it will be wonderful. Because you have healed. And you are worth it.