It’s days like these…(I wish)

…I wish you never came back into my life at all. I wish that those pokes never turned into emails and never turned into phone calls or more. I wish you hadn’t showed up at my front door when I needed you the most and still smelled like home. I wish you had never met the kids who quickly stole your heart and became your own. It’s days like these that I wish I never let them call you daddy, at least not as fast as I did because you/we made them promises that are now broken and shattered all over the floor. It’s days like these that I wish I never said I loved you so fast, it doesn’t matter that I meant it, it matters because I did it too fast and I couldn’t give you what you needed from me. It’s days like these that I wish I had told you the truth no matter how scared I was of the outcome. I wish I had let ou walk out that door so much sooner because maybe you would have come back and we would have worked on things for real or maybe you wouldn’t and we wouldn’t hurt so much right now.I wish I didn’t believe handfasting tied two souls together. I wish handfasting didn’t mean more than marriage to me. I wish that I had my best friend back. It’s days like these I wish you would have OPENED YOUR MOUTH and told me to go back to a program, to fix me, to fix us. I wish I had a heart that could turn people away, I would have never let things get as bad as they did. It’s days like these I wish that our daughter had been full term and not just a wish on the wind. It’s days like these I wish we hadn’t been cowards about talking things out. I wish we HAD FOUGHT FOR US. But we never really did, did we? It’s days like these I wish I…..I just wish…..But wishes are broken and promises are too. Because no matter what anyone says…Noone keeps all their promises.

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