This is me…Raw

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I am a compulsive liar
I am a emotional wreck
I’m a narcissist
I hate mirrors
I am self concious

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I am one to hold a grudge for a long time
I use my friends against each other when it will work for me
I get anxious in social situations
I get anxious in private situations
I talk the talk to get the attention
I have cheated on every single boyfriend but one

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I have holes in my memories where situations should be
I have gaps in my memory that are filling in where I wish they wouldn’t
I was in IOP the last time I had a break down
I called my therapist in crisis because I think I need to go back there
I try to draw all atention to me so that people don’t see my flaws
I need to be the center of the world so no one can hate me

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I lie to make people like me
I lie when I’m scared
I’m always scared
I’m scared I will lose people I love
I have loved many but have fallen in love, true love only once
I promised him to never lie
I lied
I tried to stop and I couldn’t

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I got promised forever
I looked at rings at Tiffanys
I talked about our wedding

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I am sleeping in our bed while he is sleeping on the couch
I have never felt so lonely in my whole life
I have maybe coincidentally pushed away and ruined the only good thing that has ever happened to me other than my children

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I have made him need space
I do not know what space is
I feel banished, unworthy and unloved
I feel…..
Like
I
Can’t
Stop
Crying

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