My nightlight is too dark

Says Pixie as she tiptoes into my room at 515 in the morning. I was already up. Since 430 my body clock seems to arise no matter how many sleep meds I’m on.

We grab our pillows and head to the living room, turn on Masterchef and I hope she falls back asleep. Right now she’s telling me that when I get skinny I can go in TV and cook like them.

image

When I get skinny….as her and I share a tiny bag of Cheez-Itz. Funnily enough that’s what I was going to write about (but I wasn’t planning on sharing my snack)

I shouldn’t be eating these, granted after my first nutrition appointment I knew that the soda, the snacks, the take out. But it was easier because of what little energy I had. Because of how sick I have been. Because of the move. There was always an excuse.

image

Trip making my kids crazy. I ate. The loss of the baby. I ate. The kids not listening to Charming. I ate. I binge when noone saw. At 430 am.i gained 21 pounds I have to lose beside surgery. But the constant barrage of sweets, sodas,ciggies. ..coming into my .bubble, the harder it is to say no.

I see my nutritionist today and she won’t be happy  with me. I had to stay at my weight and I gained. I’m assuming through mybliauids. I feel so down on myself.

The fibro diagnosis sucks. But the eating disorder ….. I thought I squashed that I long time ago

image

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s