I think it’s going to rain today

Obviously it isn’t. It’s a gorgeous summer day, humidity low, breezy and some cloids. I sit on my patio in a caftan that was my Grandmothers, barefoot and smoke my last pack of ciggs for probably the rest of my life. But I can’t get the words of tgat song out of my head.

Bette Midler was introduced to me through Beaches when I was a child. My grandmother and I watched it. And that songbird has held a place in my soul since then. My GK has been gone for over ten years now but her caftan us the only thing that fits me right now.

A day of poking and prodigy by doctirs. My body is sore and my mind foggy. Kids inside arguing over a video game and those lyrics, I can’t get then out of my head.

“Tincan at my feet, I think, I’ll kick it down the street. That’s no way to treat a friend.”

In the past year especially I have lost some of the people I thought would be in my life forever. Granted I regained some people I thought were gone for good.

But I’m so tired. Tired of being that good friend to find I ut that everything I’ve done was nothing. Every promise I never broke, every secret that I knept, was in vain. Because I was just a place holder for a friend they had been waiting to return.

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I view previous relationship ships and wonder why they happened or what they were. Were they love, lust, something inbetween. In my search for validation I never gave my body to someone I didn’t feel a soulful connection with. But through there eyes, was I just another tincan.

And now, my body aches and hurts, and I push through because the pieces are finally falling into place, but the fear of loss keeps that wall close at hand and I do act like an ass hole at times.

I watch as people marry, have babies, fall in love, fall apart. I want to now what goes through their minds as these things happen. I yearn to write their stories. To photograph their beginnings and endings.

I hate their happiness and love it at the same time. I yearn to be more than I am but I down know how that can be if what I am isn’t discovered yet. I don’t know how to describe why I feel how I feel to someone of logic when I am someone of chaos. I do not find myself loveable.

But….

“Human kindness is overflowing, and I think it’s gonna rain today. ”

Bette Midler I think it’s going to rain today

Sparkle thoughts
Shaina

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One thought on “I think it’s going to rain today

  1. Bright before me the signs implore me
    Help the needy and show them the way
    Human kindness is overflowing
    And I think it’s gonna rain today

    Like

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