I can’t do it all on my own…

…I’m no Superman

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I didn’t author last night, I sent out surveys I needed done as research but I didn’t author. And maybe I have been watching Scrubs too much. And maybe I was just trying to stay awake till Charming came home from the ER for his back.

I had so much inspiration yesterday, so much that I wanted just plug in and write for hours. I had a play list, I had the groove, I came home and it all got flushed down the potty. Yes I said potty. Deal with it.

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I don’t know what hit me but it didn’t seem so important anymore. Like Noone would listen or no one cared. Like there were bigger things going on to deal with, even though it was stupid o’clock at night and I couldn’t do anything to change my destiny at that point anyway.

Charming was in pain, binge watching Scrubs, the kids weren’t listening and just unruly and I gave up. I gave up before I posted that. And tonight I gave up before I started…because why does it matter what I wrote.

Big deal. Three stories. Solid ideas but hoe and why do I feel they can make a difference. I should be figuring out the graphics for my editing page and getting testimonynials. Selling my photography. Posting more on Craigslist. Seeing if I can work on disability. Eviction looms. Money is nill.

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I got yelled at for my friends making me an anon go fund me to try and help. By my mother. So my ex doesn’t try and take the kids again. But if it weren’t for him this would be happening. The judge would laugh at him anyway right?

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It doesn’t matter. I’ve just pissed Charming off because all I wanted was quiet to blog and he started cracking jokes when he came in. So now I’m a bad guy. I don’t know anymore guys. I’m falling. Into a hole. And I’m scared.

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One thought on “I can’t do it all on my own…

  1. I think you have a lot on your plate right now. And likely not a single person can see it on your face, hear it in your words, or really know the complete truth of how you feel deep down inside. So everyone seems maybe “not there” on the same page as you. And it’s because they’re not. You see things from your side of the lens and are trying your darnedest to stay above water. And you see it mixed and mingles with the ups and downs of emotions. And your family and friends are listening (well ok maybe some aren’t) but see it from a different angle, and are not highly stressed. Your Mom is I am sure, she is worried. She doesn’t want you to lose anything. She doesn’t want you to be hurt even more than you are hurting now. And I know it seems like that isn’t possible, but it is.

    You have a lot of people that love and care about you. And a lot of people who likely just don’t have funds to help. You are strong even when you are at your weakest and you are smart. You have made it through a lot of crap in your life and you will make it through this too. Make sure those who are closest to you and love you are in the loop and you are all working together on a united front to get you where you need to be.

    I feel your pain in your words. I sense your fear. But I know you can get through this. Give yourself a HUGE hug and i send you one from miles away ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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