…or if you’re even there. I don’t know if you will listen, to a Gypsy’s prayer. Yes, I know I’m just an outcast, I shouldn’t speak to you. Still I see your face and wonder, were you once an outcast too?” – “God Help the Outcasts” Hunchback of Notre Dame
This is a song that plays over and over in my mind when I feel that my soul is missing something. Throughout the years I have struggled with spirituality, wondering what the hell it is and where I fit in. I march to the beat of my own drum. My mother tells me I am like my great great grandmother for who I am named. Straight off the boat from Russia. A Russian Romani Jew. Which eventually bred with the Puerto Ricans who bred with the Scotch/Native Americans and you have me. A pale skin green eyes (naturally) dark auburn haired faerie who sticks out like a sore thumb on her mother’s side of the family reunions in the Bronx and like a weirdo black sheep on her father’s side in Rhode Island. I wonder sometimes, if I was created as an outcast because I deserved to be karmatically punished or because I am just built to be a survivor…anyway he is my take on all that jazz….and what gets me through those moments…(Watch the video at the end, trust me).
I am not overly religious, nor am I a Christian. I was raised a little Jewish girl in Queens NY. I went to a private school from K thru 6th grade, heck I didn’t really learn math until I hit junior high school. At home my family wasn’t super religious, in fact it was my fault we lit the Shabbat candles and there are so many videos of my freaking out because of the joking around and not getting through the Passover Seder that I’d fail to count them (I still freak out too). My father was raised in a protestant household so I got the joys of the Christian holidays as well. Though I didn’t know a lot about that part of the bible, I got the fun stuff and when I saw my Grammie she always sat there for an infinite amount of time talking to me about Jesus.
Spirituality has always been part of my life, though it has wavered back and forth. I believe, I don’t know if I can tell you what I believe in but I believe. I believe in the way the wind feels on my face and the look of love in my children’s eyes. I believe in the sun and the way it makes the earth blossom and the way the moon guides us all at night. When my best friend passed away on his 23rd birthday I knew he was going to heaven and the baby in my belly was going to be a boy and I was to name him after the uncle he would never meet.
My blog is fledgling and I have been going through a lot lately so spirituality has not snuggled into its niche yet, but neither have a lot of things. I know that my past has been hard and my present has been harder but I believe in the love that I have, I believe my guardian angels ae watching over me and I believe in myself…most of the time.
What I am getting at is this. One of my best friends is what I would call far more religious than I am. I met him when I was about 16 years old online on a dating site that probably doesn’t exist anymore. He has become my confidant and one of my nearest and dearest friends. When I was going through struggles a while back he sent me a link with the caveat of, yes it is about God but it isn’t all preachy, I think you need this right now. I love you. I watched this video and cried. It touched parts of my soul that I needed touched and every time I feel myself losing my faith I watch the video again. Not because I need God but just because I feel like that’s what it should be about. I have sent it to the most unspiritual people I know when I think they need it most and they have thanked me. I think that you and your readers would like it. I give it to you as a gift with light and love.