This is what I posted on the FB page but I will go into a little more detail here –
So I spent the majority of the day either in the ER or sleeping. I know I promise the continuation of the I Can’t Breathe Saga but my health comes first. I will be posting more tonight, just can’t let myself get wiped out emotionally as well. In just a few days my blog has grown by leaps and bounds and I am so humbled that I am touching so many peoples lives in a positive way. SO keep sharing, keep the feedback coming in, and me, I will keep writing.
The fact of the matter is this, with the change in Medical Assistance and Medicaid in general I ran out of Dental insurance over a year and a half ago. I take really good care of my teeth but I have always had bad teeth. I am terrified of dentists (that is for another long post), and when I was a teenager I had a dentist that really really fucked up my mouth. So I am just full of crowns and other lovely things. I generally, when I have insurance, am great on upkeep, however because of medications, surgeries and my pregnancy to my angel baby, my teeth too the brunt of the damage. I saw a dentist (finally found one that took my insurance) on Monday and I have to have two teeth pulled next week, but I have an awful infection. So it’s antibiotics and Motrin (which doesn’t work but I got upgraded to something betterish).
Now the only reason I told you any of this is because I have 4 autoimmune diseases (once again long posts to follow at some point), 1 of them being blood based where my body can’t fight off infection the way it is supposed to. (No it isn’t HIV or AIDS…No judging or jumping to conclusions here people). So I am on a neverending dosage of antibiotics and or steroids. I blow up, I am miserable and I feel awful all the time. Which feeds into another of my autoimmune issues making it difficult to function. (and you would think I was on disability for those, but NOOOO it’s cuz I am Bipolar and Borderline…Go Figure),
Now….The reason I am even here explaining this is because, I don’t give myself a break. EVER. It’s the narcissist. The Mommy. The Borderline. The Manic. The Superhero. The Leo. Today I genuinely tried to give myself a break and went to the hospital for a break, in so much pain I couldn’t really walk, I was foggy and blacking out and in tons of pain. Let’s just say the doctor was other than nice. Hence I am apologizing, because I feel extreme guilt for not being able to share things with you….That’s who I am.
“Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me” – RENT
By the by I have included the link to the definition of a Spoonie by the originator herself and a cute little graphic to go along with it.