Dear Mister President,
I know you will never see this. I am a nameless, faceless blogger. But I voted for you. In fact you were the first president I EVER voted for. I believe in what you said, in the fact that YOU believe in HOPE for the future. I strongly HOPE for the future. But I am having a hard time believing in the now. Let me tell you a little about me.
I am a single Mom of two wonderful kids. I was diagnosed at 9 with Graves’ disease, at 17 with ITP, told I couldn’t have kid and then at 22 I got pregnant with my first son. At that point I had gone to vocational school but not college because I didn’t know how and couldn’t afford it. I was still on my Dad’s insurance but he never paid so I was put into debt. I was forcibly married at 22 to my children’s father because he was in the military and I needed the insurance for the baby and me. I gave birth the next March. The relationship left something to be desired, it was abusive and miserable. He was an alcoholic and I was an undiagnosed bipolar. I miscarried our next child whom I lovingly named Hope. Then got pregnant again with our daughter and my husband left us, got discharged from the Navy and moved across country. I worked my butt off, lived in a single room with my son in my Mother’s overpriced apartment till I gave birth to my gorgeous daughter. I went to FMLA leave and decided I couldn’t stay in NYC. I moved to PA, went after my ex for child support, got cash assistance until then and food stamps. Going to that welfare office was a major point in my life. I had to swallow my pride, but I was determined to make it work.
My son got diagnosed Autistic. We then lost our house, our food stamps and our cash as we had to move to NJ. Right after my son turned 3 and right before my daughter turned 1 we lost all of our belongings in a flood. I moved back in with my mother. We had no insurance, no food stamps no nothing. New York City was in hard times and it was hard to get anything without having lived there for months on end. I needed a new beginning. I ended up in Lancaster PA. I worked a long while, I went back on welfare. My ex began giving me child support again and we all had insurance. It was a wonderful thing. I had managed to survive. We had food in our bellies, we had dental and optical, my son had the help he needed. And then things took a turn….
I had a breakdown, after abuse at work I was diagnosed bipolar with borderline personality disorder with narcissistic tendencies. I was not allowed to work. But the kids could not attend daycare. It was against the rules. I fought it, I made a video about the horrors of the place I used to work. No one did anything. I went all the way up the political chain and nothing was done.
It took two years for my disability to kick in. But the kids didn’t know we were poor. We still were able to see the doctor and had a roof and food…Now we are in the present. We live in a house that is not up to code, my landlord is about to kick us out. He said he wants to redo the house and sell it but I know that is a lie because my downstairs neighbor didn’t know about it. He bumped the rent in September knowing I couldn’t pay. I make seven hundred and thirty dollars a month in disability. And another six hundred and eleven if my ex decides to pay his child support but there is never a direct day that will come through. My house is falling apart. I can’t run too many Air Conditioners in the summer or the fuse will blow. And since I don’t have access to the fuse box (i’s in the basement where my neighbor lives) I can’t use it. In the winters I don’t have access to the heat and this year it was o cold I had to pull the kids into bed with me and all my land lord said was well maybe you should just buy a space heater, what do you want from me?
My insurance went from covering everything to dropping my dental and optical. So now I have teeth falling out and infected and nowhere that will save them without a fight. I need ne glasses but I can’t find an eye doctor. I have 4 auto immune diseases that my general practitioner has to take care of. I fight every day for my son’s medications so he can sleep.
They just cut my food stamp money by fifty dollars because they said I made too much yet my income hasn’t changed and I had reported a pregnancy. I lost the baby soon afterwards. So who is looking after me? Why am I supposed to keep hoping? I have no money put aside for a new place and no way of telling the kids what is really happening. Do I pawn all of my great grandmother’s jewelry? Do I beg on the streets or go to one of those terrible sites and do things for money?
How do I save my hope when it seems so lost?
I believe in you Mister President. I believe in the freedoms of our country and of everything we stand for. But honestly who is going to believe in me?