June 21…..June 21 is a big day for me. It has been a big day for me for I guess the past 10 years, but 10 years ago I didn’t know it. The fact of the matter is, 10 years ago I was still naive, still innocent and still very very new to the world. Sure I had been part of things that no 22 year old had been part of and experienced a life that a 22 year old should never have experienced so young but I still didn’t know that 10 years from then my life would have evolved with the lives of the four quarters. With the phases of the woman. The phases of the moon and the phases of life. I am still naive and in a lot of ways innocent of the heart, no matter how jaded I may be, but let me explain a little further so that you may understand what I speak of.
Tis common as we speak of women that the Celts (and many other pagan cultures) believe of the three stages of a woman’s life. Thus the Maiden Mother and Crone. Some believe that there is a stage between Maiden and Mother called the warrior stage. I will delve a bit deeper as I go.
The Maiden –
- The Maiden represents enchantment, inception, expansion, the promise of new beginnings, birth, youth and youthful enthusiasm, represented by the waxing moon;
June 21 2006 – I was 22 years old and had just seen 3 Penny Opera with my best friend. We had been so excited about it and it was staring Cyndi Lauper AND Alan Cummings!!! The show ran late and I got tons of phone calls that my Dad had a heart attack while I was was in the show (which of course I didn’t receive till after). I proceeded to smoke about a pack of ciggies, bet smashed and toddle my way home worried. I also received the news that I was getting a promotion and moving to Newport News Virginia to run a piece of my company AND live with the super-hot guy that I just started dating. It was exactly 1 week till my best gay took me to my first PRIDE and exactly 1 month until that same boy died. June 21st was exactly 1 week before I saw my best friend alive and kicking for the last time. I moved 10 days later….and found out I was pregnant the entire time. June 21st 2006 I was naive…I was young and enthusiastic and full of life and had a new one growing inside me. June 21st 2006 I was the maiden.
The Warrior –
The phase between the naive and the nurturing. Where one gathers strength to transition from child to woman (yes that definition is all mine and you will understand why)
June 21st 2008…I was laying on the couch. I had started bleeding a little bit the day before while I was at my best friend’s house. My son who never initiated cuddles had curled on my stomach all day between the periods of me running back and forth to the Mommy boards asking for help. For an answer, wanting to know if it was normal to bleed when you were this early in your pregnancy. They tried to console me. They tried to tell me it was going to be ok. My best friend attempted to distract me by introducing e to Supernatural (which I didn’t appreciate till years later). June 21st 2008 I laid on that couch we had donated by a church…My ex-husband holding my hand as my uterus cramped and I lost blood like I was slowly dying. It was Father’s Day and as our infant son sat on his lap he held my hand and stared into my eyes and asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. As I stared into his eyes, as we shared our pain, as I felt our Hope slip away and get her wings I squeezed his hand and shook my head. As the pain took my body and I felt her soul go to heaven, the tears slipped down my cheeks and it was then that I became a warrior. Six years ago today, Father’s Day 2012….
The Mother –
- The Mother represents ripeness, fertility, sexuality, fulfilment, stability, power and life represented by the full moon;
June 21st 2009 I don’t remember exactly where I was but I am pretty sure I spent the day half at my Moms house and half at my girlfriends. Now she wasn’t exactly my girlfriend nor was I hers but she was probably the closest that I had ever come to a relationship with another woman. Now here was the funny part, we were never intimate. What brought us together was the fact that we were both single, young Mom’s with deadbeat ex-husband and newborns (or in her case soon to be newborns). You see Honeybee was 9 days away from having twin boys and it would be 9 days till my little one was 2 months old. We had met up again after about 4 years of not even really keeping in touch. Popping out kids kind of kept us away from not only LARPing but each other as well. She had her boy then I had mine, then she had a girl and I had mine. We got back in touch on Myspace. She was very pregnant and miserable, and I was very postpartum and living with my Mom and miserable. I showed up one day for a BBQ and didn’t leave for two weeks. She glowed through that pregnancy and we fell in a routine of laughter and love, she was the only one I trusted to get me through my PPD and I was the only one that could snap her out of crazy bitch mode. I was so in love with that girl. We were both Mom to 4 then 6 kids. I was the first to hold the twins when they were born, and I was the one to put together the nursery. We were stable and fulfilled in each others company. We were poor, single, exhausted and full of life. I was the mother.
The Crone –
June 21st 2015 everything comes in threes. Today is once again Father’s Day. The first time in 6 years. The first time that I get to spend it with Charming, who is the most amazing man I have ever met in my entire life. The man who came into my life swept me off my feet and became a father to my children that there birth father could never be. Today I celebrate my Angel Baby Hope getting her wings in heaven 6 years ago. Today was also supposed to be the day that Charming whispered sweet nothings to my tummy, to our little growing gummy bear (his first baby), But on his first Father’s Day with us, we sit and wonder what our Angel baby is doing today, for she got her wings 12 days ago. And then the last of the 3, Charming and I have been together for 6 months today. Call me corny or romantic but it’s a BIG DEAL! When you have dreamed about this for your entire life, 6 months of being with someone who truly accepts all you are, your flaws and your quirks, it’s fucking amazing. Everything comes in threes. I have gained in the past 10 years with wisdom of a lifetime, dealt with the death of parts of my heart, watched so many things come to an end and become the crone.
But I believe in my heart of hearts that just as the phases of the moon, the cycles of a woman continue to wax and wane, growing fuller and disappearing many times in her life.